Words ARE Powerful ~ No Matter What Their Size

At the end of last week, I finally received a return call from the surgeon's office at UVA after leaving questions on the nurse's voice mail. My oncologist wanted me to schedule a pancreatic CT scan for the week of July 9-13 at UVA in order to prepare for the surgery. The nurse who called appeared very knowledgeable so I took each word she said seriously. After all, she represented the surgeon that I am relying on to make my dreams come true... remove this "thing" from my body and give me the "cancer free" diagnosis.

The nurse told me that I would have a MRI at UVA the week of July 22. They wanted to wait a full month after my last treatment on June 22 to get a reliable reading. She said that doing a MRI before that time may not give an accurate picture of the tumor...it could still be inflamed from the radiation and chemo, not accurately telling the size. The nurse said that after Dr. Adam's reads the MRI, and I quote..."he will be able to tell if it is dissectable."

Okay, the word "if" is the powerful 2 letter word that has haunted me since talking to her. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??? My world is relying on "it" being taken out. My future is relying on "when" it is taken out. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??

Well, my emotions have not been very chipper since talking to the nurse. My husband, oldest son, and friends have given me pep talks. I hear them, but in the back of my mind, I think what if it can't be taken out. Then it will be left in there to grow again. All this treatment, not feeling well, pills that I detest taking will be for nothing. I may never get back to teaching again.

On Tuesdays, I meet with the radiation oncologist after my treatment. I always think in advance what questions I want to ask her. Hmm, she's seen the actual tumor in the pancreatic CT scan that she used for planning radiation. She would be a great person to share my "if" story with and get her reaction. Her words were just what I needed. Her words were more powerful than the 2 letter word "if". My radiation oncologist said that the tumor is not intertwined with the blood vessels. It is adjacent to them. She said that she didn't see any reason why the surgery would not take place. She said that the treatments were being done to make it shrink. She felt that the nurse was giving me "the disclaimer". When I was at UVA, I remember that the surgeon seemed to ponder whether or not he wanted to do the surgery while I was there but sent me home for treatment to give it the 80% chance to shrink so that they wouldn't have to scrape it off the blood vessels. 

Okay, I'm taking a big sigh again. It's amazing how powerful words are, no matter their size! As a speech-language pathologist, I put a lot into understanding communication  ...  after all, it's my profession. I always tell my students that you can think anything you want, but be careful of what you say out loud. Yes, word are powerful...no matter their size.