Oh and by the way...

Butch and I had a VERY busy day. I had a 9:15 a.m. appointment at the radiation oncologists for my "final markings". This is not to be confused with a "final fitting" as Loren has had for her wedding dress.

I was reunited with my "mold". The impression in the middle is where my head fits and then I hold my arms over my head, grabbing onto the two black pegs. Looks simple enough, however today I had to lay in this position for a very long time. The mold is formed to my head and arms so that they don't move while the x-ray machine rotates around my body taking pictures from top, bottom and sides. After being in this position for what I felt was an eternity, my right arm started to have a spasm. I asked the therapist if I could bring my arms down for just a second and she said..."No". She wasn't sure if the doctor had read the x-rays yet. What???? I can't bring them down for even a second? How was I going to make it through? Relax and Pray was the answer that I knew would help me make it through these next tough minutes. So I relaxed and I prayed, and prayed, and prayed! When the therapist gave me the go ahead to lower my arms, I all but cried in jubilation. The feeling was better than the BEST Banana Split Ice Cream Sundae that I've ever had.

The therapist used quite a lot of black sharpie on me today. She even brought out the big guns...she got out her "paint marker" to make marks on top of the permanent sharpie marks. I look like a crossword puzzle with all of the parallel and horizontal lines that are on my stomach. Then came the tattooing. I think I have 4 or 5 forever permanent dots. I can't really see them because they are hidden under the paint marker. For MANY years to come, these dots will be a reminder of so many things. They will be a reminder of ALL the love that I have from SO many people. They will be a reminder of the prayers and support from people I know as well as people I have never even met. They will be a reminder that All Things Are Possible!

Butch and I look at "extra time" quite differently these days. We thoroughly enjoyed the hours between the final markings appointment and the 3:30 oncologist appointment by just being together. We actually accomplished everything from my "to do" list. We were able to cross a lot off the list of items we needed for the wedding rehearsal dinner. We ate a good lunch at Chipotle's and to kill a little more time, I even shopped at the Country Treasure's Store at the mall. I feel like I'm in heaven when I'm in there.

Then off to the oncologist's office. Sitting in the waiting room is a hard experience. When you check in, they give you a sticker to put on your shirt. It makes it very clear who the patient is from who everyone else is. As you look around at people, and people look at you, you can't help to think of the common bond that everyone has. EVERYONE with a sticker has cancer. Everyone with a sticker has some "thing" in their body...all in different spots...but a "thing" is inside their body as it is in mine. It's NOT fair when I looked around the waiting room at the 2 young men who had their "sticker" on. It's NOT fair that they had to be touched by cancer at such a young age. I feel like I'm young...53 is young (I've heard it described as the new 43), but these boys are young. It's NOT fair. Please pray for them. Their names are unknown, only identified by the sticker they wore on their shirt, but they need our prayers too!

Dr. Major sent via computer a prescription to my pharmacy for 240 Xeloda 500 MG Tablets. I will take 4 pills, two times a day for 6 weeks. I will take them only on the days that I have radiation. I will not have to sit in a cold room lined with chairs for treatment. I remember vividly the hours that I sat with my mom when she received chemo. YOUR prayers have made it possible for me to be able to take my chemotherapy in my own home.

I will finish chemo/radiation on or around June 22nd. Then it's time for my pancreas to "rest". For a month after I finish treatment, the chemo and radiation will still be working in my body. The week of July 9-13th, I need to schedule an appointment to see Dr. Adams at UVA  for a CT scan. I will have a MRI here prior to going to his visit. I want everyone to remember how meant-to-be this timeline is working out. Gregory and Loren get married July 28th. Is this not the most amazing timeline in the world? Can you see how YOUR prayers are making this the best scenario that it can be? Seriously...how can I be this lucky?

I asked Dr. Major a VERY IMPORTANT question today. One that I REALLY needed him to answer in order to be able to find strength. I asked how he determined that my cancer was at a Stage 1 and not at a Stage 2 or worse. As I rehearsed this question in my head for the last few days, I got a pit in the bottom of my stomach. What if he said that he was mistaken and it really wasn't at a Stage 1? What if I heard him wrong in the first place and he never really said that it was at a Stage 1? What if I couldn't handle his answer?

Here was his answer....It's a Stage 1 because of the size of the tumor, that my liver and lymph nodes are not involved, and that it is a dissectable lesion. YOUR prayers and my knowing my body well enough to know that "something was just not right" has made my cancer at a Stage 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now for part two of the VERY IMPORTANT question. "Dr. Major, do you think, and I know that it's just speculation at this time, but do YOU think that I may be able to say one day that I'm Cancer Free?" In ALL of the conversations with ALL the doctors that we've had in the last 3 weeks, I have NOT cried once in front of a doctor. Even when they said they found a mass in my pancreas...even when they said that it was cancer....I did not cry. For the very first time, I cried today when I asked this VERY IMPORTANT question to Dr. Major.

His response was quite simple. The location of the tumor is difficult because of the blood vessels that the mass is next to and that is why I am beginning the 6 weeks of treatments tomorrow to "shrink, shrink, shrink-----shrink, shrink, shrink---shrink that tumor, shrink that tumor. But YES, he thinks that it's very possible to be able to say that I'll be cancer free after the surgery. YOUR PRAYERS ARE POWERFUL!

And oh, btw, the results of my brain MRI that I have been waiting every minute of every day since Wednesday to find out if I have brain cancer, showed "No evidence of metastatic disease." I do have a tiny amount of fluid in my sphenoid sinus and a 2 cm retention cyst in my inferior left maxillary sinus (which I've seen written before in other reports), but I DO NOT HAVE BRAIN CANCER. Dr. Major said that the dizziness that I'm experiencing appears to be separate from the pancreatic stuff going on. If it continues or gets worse, he'll refer me to an E.N.T. Personally, I can handle being a Dizzy Izzy as long as it's not brain cancer.