On my way back from radiation today, the surgeon's office from UVA called. Appointments are now inked in! I go on Monday, July 23 for a MRI in Charlottesville and then will see THE surgeon, who will be doing the Whipple Procedure, at 8:00 the following morning. He'll have read the MRI from the day before and fill me in on the details.
Things are moving along. It feels good to have these dates inked in my calendar because it signifies an end to me. This is the week of our son's wedding, but luckily the appointments are in the beginning of the week so we can put all the medical "stuff" aside and enjoy family and friends for the big day on July 28th.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Little Did I Know...
It seems that things have happened this year in an odd way. It make sense now but didn't then.
Let's talk about my school planner, the same type that I have used for 31 years in the past. Several months ago, the back fell off....just plain fell off. For someone who is a perfectionist, that didn't sit too well with me. Okay, I would just keep the back part in another binder and refer to it when I needed it. Little did I know that I would have to literally cut the last part of the year off my planner and send it to school for the substitute SLP to use from May on.
I was scheduled for an in-service on June 25 to learn the new IEP system for next year. It was perfect. My last radiation treatment would be on Friday, June 22. How perfect was that timing! Well, it dawned on me that being on FMLA would necessitate me to cancel that in-service. Little did I know that June 25 was going to be booked up. I went for radiation treatment today and guess what machine broke down? Mine! They told me that I would be absorbed into the schedule for the other machine. No, that didn't happen either. I was sent home without radiation. Little did I know that I needed the in-service date for my "now last treatment date" of June 25th. I can be a happy camper in many situations but that machine BETTER be fixed by tomorrow!
Let's talk about my school planner, the same type that I have used for 31 years in the past. Several months ago, the back fell off....just plain fell off. For someone who is a perfectionist, that didn't sit too well with me. Okay, I would just keep the back part in another binder and refer to it when I needed it. Little did I know that I would have to literally cut the last part of the year off my planner and send it to school for the substitute SLP to use from May on.
I was scheduled for an in-service on June 25 to learn the new IEP system for next year. It was perfect. My last radiation treatment would be on Friday, June 22. How perfect was that timing! Well, it dawned on me that being on FMLA would necessitate me to cancel that in-service. Little did I know that June 25 was going to be booked up. I went for radiation treatment today and guess what machine broke down? Mine! They told me that I would be absorbed into the schedule for the other machine. No, that didn't happen either. I was sent home without radiation. Little did I know that I needed the in-service date for my "now last treatment date" of June 25th. I can be a happy camper in many situations but that machine BETTER be fixed by tomorrow!
Words ARE Powerful ~ No Matter What Their Size
At the end of last week, I finally received a return call from the surgeon's office at UVA after leaving questions on the nurse's voice mail. My oncologist wanted me to schedule a pancreatic CT scan for the week of July 9-13 at UVA in order to prepare for the surgery. The nurse who called appeared very knowledgeable so I took each word she said seriously. After all, she represented the surgeon that I am relying on to make my dreams come true... remove this "thing" from my body and give me the "cancer free" diagnosis.
The nurse told me that I would have a MRI at UVA the week of July 22. They wanted to wait a full month after my last treatment on June 22 to get a reliable reading. She said that doing a MRI before that time may not give an accurate picture of the tumor...it could still be inflamed from the radiation and chemo, not accurately telling the size. The nurse said that after Dr. Adam's reads the MRI, and I quote..."he will be able to tell if it is dissectable."
Okay, the word "if" is the powerful 2 letter word that has haunted me since talking to her. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??? My world is relying on "it" being taken out. My future is relying on "when" it is taken out. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??
Well, my emotions have not been very chipper since talking to the nurse. My husband, oldest son, and friends have given me pep talks. I hear them, but in the back of my mind, I think what if it can't be taken out. Then it will be left in there to grow again. All this treatment, not feeling well, pills that I detest taking will be for nothing. I may never get back to teaching again.
On Tuesdays, I meet with the radiation oncologist after my treatment. I always think in advance what questions I want to ask her. Hmm, she's seen the actual tumor in the pancreatic CT scan that she used for planning radiation. She would be a great person to share my "if" story with and get her reaction. Her words were just what I needed. Her words were more powerful than the 2 letter word "if". My radiation oncologist said that the tumor is not intertwined with the blood vessels. It is adjacent to them. She said that she didn't see any reason why the surgery would not take place. She said that the treatments were being done to make it shrink. She felt that the nurse was giving me "the disclaimer". When I was at UVA, I remember that the surgeon seemed to ponder whether or not he wanted to do the surgery while I was there but sent me home for treatment to give it the 80% chance to shrink so that they wouldn't have to scrape it off the blood vessels.
Okay, I'm taking a big sigh again. It's amazing how powerful words are, no matter their size! As a speech-language pathologist, I put a lot into understanding communication ... after all, it's my profession. I always tell my students that you can think anything you want, but be careful of what you say out loud. Yes, word are powerful...no matter their size.
The nurse told me that I would have a MRI at UVA the week of July 22. They wanted to wait a full month after my last treatment on June 22 to get a reliable reading. She said that doing a MRI before that time may not give an accurate picture of the tumor...it could still be inflamed from the radiation and chemo, not accurately telling the size. The nurse said that after Dr. Adam's reads the MRI, and I quote..."he will be able to tell if it is dissectable."
Okay, the word "if" is the powerful 2 letter word that has haunted me since talking to her. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??? My world is relying on "it" being taken out. My future is relying on "when" it is taken out. What do you mean..."if" it can be taken out??
Well, my emotions have not been very chipper since talking to the nurse. My husband, oldest son, and friends have given me pep talks. I hear them, but in the back of my mind, I think what if it can't be taken out. Then it will be left in there to grow again. All this treatment, not feeling well, pills that I detest taking will be for nothing. I may never get back to teaching again.
On Tuesdays, I meet with the radiation oncologist after my treatment. I always think in advance what questions I want to ask her. Hmm, she's seen the actual tumor in the pancreatic CT scan that she used for planning radiation. She would be a great person to share my "if" story with and get her reaction. Her words were just what I needed. Her words were more powerful than the 2 letter word "if". My radiation oncologist said that the tumor is not intertwined with the blood vessels. It is adjacent to them. She said that she didn't see any reason why the surgery would not take place. She said that the treatments were being done to make it shrink. She felt that the nurse was giving me "the disclaimer". When I was at UVA, I remember that the surgeon seemed to ponder whether or not he wanted to do the surgery while I was there but sent me home for treatment to give it the 80% chance to shrink so that they wouldn't have to scrape it off the blood vessels.
Okay, I'm taking a big sigh again. It's amazing how powerful words are, no matter their size! As a speech-language pathologist, I put a lot into understanding communication ... after all, it's my profession. I always tell my students that you can think anything you want, but be careful of what you say out loud. Yes, word are powerful...no matter their size.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Making Marvelous Memories
Making memories has always been my mission in life! Whether they are small or large, NO ONE can take our memories away from us. No One! I always love taking pictures of those memories. It helps to not forget the little things in life that were so special to us along the way.
When we became empty nesters, which I must say I STILL do not like, we made our youngest son's room into a Heritage Room. What is a Heritage Room you might ask?? It's where many of our memories that were in a hope chest are now displayed through the room to enjoy each looking at. It's a room where we look back on our ancestors and know that we are because they were. It's a room that exists "All Because Two People Fell in Love"... Butch and Sharon Fell in Love. In this room are love letters...written from Butch and I to each other, written from my mom and dad to each other. In this room are pictures that I cherish!
Just last week, I added a new addition to this room. One of my students and his family sent me a very, very large bear. She is the most adorable bear that I've ever seen. I love bears! Everything in our Heritage Room has to have history to it in order to go in there. But...I'm making an exception. This bear BELONGS in this room. She is going in there because she represents the history of all the children that I've been able to teach in my 32 years. She represents the love that I have for my students. She gets to sit at the desk of honor in our Heritage Room!
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| "Murray heart Lafferty" represents my ancestor's pictures |
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| "Guella -heart- Funk" represents pictures of my husband's family |
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| I've had this teddy bear since I was 6 months old. She is holding a picture of me holding her when I was little. She's wearing a dress that I wore as a baby and she's wearing earrings from my maternal grandmother. I love her so much that I took her to college with me. |
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| My roommate from college gave me this bear years ago. She's wearing another one of my baby dresses and her jewelry is a necklace and earrings that my dad sent his sister..My Aunt Marie..when he was in the Navy. |
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| This room now holds a humungous bear that was sent to me from one of my students and his family. She is sitting at a very old school desk looking at pictures from the past. |
Friday, May 25, 2012
Relay For L-I-F-E
I wasn't a survivor yet. Even as of today, after beginning treatments, I can't say that I'm a survivor. I could justify walking if the shirt said "Surviving" but not "Survivor". But I already said "yes" and was going to stick with my commitment. Then yesterday I received another phone call. The 2 people they ask to carry the banner to lead the "Survivor" walk is the oldest survivor and most newly diagnosed survivor. Oh, what dubious ranking did I fall into. One month from being diagnosed and you are the winner. I didn't say "yes" right away. I needed the day to think about it. At the end, I did say "yes" but wanted to make sure that they had a back up in case I wasn't feeling well or just plain couldn't emotionally do it. I said "yes" because if my mom could walk that walk 15 years ago, then by golly I could too!
I must say ..... being one of the "survivors/surviving" to carry that banner tonight and hearing my name announced as the "most recently diagnosed" ....... was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I don't like to be in the front of ANYTHING. Let me fade into the backdrop and I'm happy. No, being up front of this parade was hard. But you know what??? I did it. I did it for my mom and for my family/friends. I did it because it is what it is. If the little 5th grade boy in the middle of the banner can do it, then by golly so can I. I did it because it just isn't fair!
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| My Family and Friends....My Caregivers! |
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| Thank you to everyone who bought a luminary in my honor |
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| In memory of my mom |
Thursday, May 24, 2012
And Speaking of Anniversaries
Today is the 1 month anniversary of finding out about having pancreatic cancer. One month ago yesterday, we headed off to UVA late in the dark of the night. In the wee hours of this morning, 30 days ago, I had a MRI that found the tumor. It was just 720 hours ago that the doctor came in and told us that it's cancer.
How can so much happen in such a short period of time. I feel like the last 43200 minutes has been a lifetime.
How can so much happen in such a short period of time. I feel like the last 43200 minutes has been a lifetime.
Happy Anniversary to ME!
Today is our 32nd Wedding Anniversary! I have the honor of being married to the B-E-S-T man in the world!
We were high school sweethearts. I moved from Strasburg to Stonewall Jackson High School in my freshman year. The first day that Butch saw me in the halls of SJHS, he told his best friend Jack that he was going to date that girl!
We have awesome memories together...
We were high school sweethearts. I moved from Strasburg to Stonewall Jackson High School in my freshman year. The first day that Butch saw me in the halls of SJHS, he told his best friend Jack that he was going to date that girl!
We have awesome memories together...
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| Junior Prom |
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| Senior Prom (My mom made my gown) |
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| Homecoming Court on Football Field (My mom made my gown) |
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| Homecoming Court Dance (My mom made my gown) |
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| High School Graduation |
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| Stolen Kisses in 1975-76 |
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| Fun times at James Madison University |
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| Our Wedding Day 5-24-1980 |
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
21-16-25 Break
· For radiation treatments each day at Winchester Cancer Center, according to my calculations of counting, I get 21 seconds of radiation from the top down, 16 seconds when the machine rotates to my back and goes up and then 25 seconds on the side. Today is the first day that I actually counted the seconds. Usually I sing my Catoctin Shrink song, making sure that I don't move any part of my body as I sing. I move my body in my head as all of you did in the video (that I watch daily....and see something different each time I watch it. I did find one very clever person who strategically positioned themselves behind one tall guidance counselor. Hmmmmm, very clever...very, very clever!)
Talking about numbers, the cost of my medical bills have been unbelievable already. When we were at the oncologist getting the prescription for the chemo, the doctor said that I'll probably have sticker shock when I pick it up. If my insurance didn't help, my oncologist said to come back and he would see how he could help me with the co-pay. Butch and I both wondered...how much could it be?
Well to get to the punch line, for 1 month of chemo (8 pills a day for 28 days of treatment) the cost was $6,528.98. I paid $25.00 co-pay and insurance paid $6,503.98. My bill from UVA was over $43,000.00, with my co-pay -0- at this time. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am so grateful that I have insurance that allows us to fight cancer without all of the financial worries. I'm grateful that I took out the long term disability policy years ago. Butch's hours have significantly been cut back at work the past few months due to the printing industry. I am grateful that these bills are not drowning us as we fight this battle.
Looking forward to enjoying the backyard soon!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
RED Knock-Out Friends
Life is amazing. I've learned that you don't have to be in touch with people on a daily basis for them to still care deeply about you. We establish friends at different periods of our life, depending on where we are and what we're doing. I've always told my boys that you don't need a lot of friends, but you do need one good one. Everyone needs ONE good friend. I'm very fortunate for the number of good friends that I have.
Today, some of my old friends told me that "red" is associated with energy, war, strength, courage, power, determination, desire, and love. They gave me a red "knock-out" rose bush (with roots because they know how much I love to see things grown year to year) to be symbolic of my "war" against "this thing". They put a butterfly garden stake in the rose bush to represent "Life" and "Living". They want me to pick a rose from the plant at the end of each week of treatment. At the end, I'll have 6 roses joining this one that I cut today.
I found out some interesting news when I met with the radiation oncologist today. In asking what strength of radiation that I was receiving, she said that it was medium but that it was not only directed at the tumor itself but at the surrounding lymph nodes as well. They have NOT found any cancer in the lymph nodes, which is one of the qualifications that makes it at stage 1. They are treating the lymph nodes JUST IN CASE. I like that. It comforts me to know that just in case a little cancer cell decided to go visit his next door neighbor "the lymph node" that he'll be Zapped!
As I've mentioned, Butch has asked me to not goggle pancreatic cancer and do internet research about it. I've honored that request. I really don't need to read others sad stories, some turning out good, some turning out bad. I have been given enough factual literature to learn all I need to learn about what I have. So, with that preface, I asked the radiation oncologist today if it was rare for people to discover pancreatic cancer in stage 1. She said that it was! It's usually discovered in later stages.
Again and again I ask myself, how was I so lucky to catch this "thing" at this stage???????
Every time I hear that, I begin to believe a little deeper that I am going to beat this! I begin to let myself believe that I may indeed one day be able to say that I'm cancer free.
And if I can't, then it was a HECK of a fight!
Today, some of my old friends told me that "red" is associated with energy, war, strength, courage, power, determination, desire, and love. They gave me a red "knock-out" rose bush (with roots because they know how much I love to see things grown year to year) to be symbolic of my "war" against "this thing". They put a butterfly garden stake in the rose bush to represent "Life" and "Living". They want me to pick a rose from the plant at the end of each week of treatment. At the end, I'll have 6 roses joining this one that I cut today.
I found out some interesting news when I met with the radiation oncologist today. In asking what strength of radiation that I was receiving, she said that it was medium but that it was not only directed at the tumor itself but at the surrounding lymph nodes as well. They have NOT found any cancer in the lymph nodes, which is one of the qualifications that makes it at stage 1. They are treating the lymph nodes JUST IN CASE. I like that. It comforts me to know that just in case a little cancer cell decided to go visit his next door neighbor "the lymph node" that he'll be Zapped!
As I've mentioned, Butch has asked me to not goggle pancreatic cancer and do internet research about it. I've honored that request. I really don't need to read others sad stories, some turning out good, some turning out bad. I have been given enough factual literature to learn all I need to learn about what I have. So, with that preface, I asked the radiation oncologist today if it was rare for people to discover pancreatic cancer in stage 1. She said that it was! It's usually discovered in later stages.
Again and again I ask myself, how was I so lucky to catch this "thing" at this stage???????
Every time I hear that, I begin to believe a little deeper that I am going to beat this! I begin to let myself believe that I may indeed one day be able to say that I'm cancer free.
And if I can't, then it was a HECK of a fight!
The Spud Travels More Than I Do!
Mr. Potato Head has been getting around to quite a few venues the last few weeks. To my knowledge, he's been to Irish Dance competitions and to Chicago on a business trip. Between dancing, studying, and staying in plush hotels, he's just spud tired. You may want to google to see if he has his own blog. His may be much more interesting than mine at any given time!
Until you discover Mr. Potato Head's blog, here's what's happening in my life.
I started back with treatments today. I have to be honest, it was nice having a "somewhat" normal weekend although it's kind of hard to say that normal will be my way of life for quite a while yet. I even pretended to be so "normal" that I went shopping at WalMart. I wanted to make Butch a nice dinner and get a few containers for the project that I finished. Other than breaking out into a cold sweat and feeling like I was in a stupor, I did really well! Luckily they don't give tickets out for driving grocery carts in a zigzag line. It's kind of like when I push my kid's wheelchairs at school. If tickets were given out for driving properly when pushing a large, heavy chair with a mind of it's own, then I'd be in BIG TROUBLE!
Okay, so getting away from "pretending to be normal" and back to "reality". Butch brought me the 4 chemo pills this morning to start my day off bright and early. I then had a phone call from one of my siblings who caught me when my roller coaster was on the way down instead of up. I had good reason though (just in case I needed any reason at all these days). I was working on the power point for my Mother-Son dance at Gregory's wedding. Too many emotions going crazy in a pre-menpausal 53 year old woman on drugs!
My sibling gave me wisdom when I needed it. I was then chauffeured to Winchester for treatment #5 by a lovely friend who doubles as a gourmet chef in her off hours. After getting home, I ate, ate, and ate some more. I will go down in history of being the only person who's on chemo and radiation treatments that will gain weight instead of lose it. I really don't care. I'm grateful for my appetite. I use to let the scales rule my life each and every morning before I had the first sip of water. Now, in the first time in 39 years, Butch actually heard the nurse say what I weighed. I wanted to tweak her nose a little because did she NOT learn in basic nursing 101 that you DON'T say a woman's weight out loud in front of another person, particularly her husband. Oh well, it's done. I'll forgive her this time but when I gain my next 10 pounds, she better just mouth the new number to me!
I took a nice, long afternoon nap. It seems that the tiredness just washes over me. I know when it's time to lay my head down!
Only 23 more to go! Mr. Potato Head and I bid you.....Sweet Dreams!
Until you discover Mr. Potato Head's blog, here's what's happening in my life.
I started back with treatments today. I have to be honest, it was nice having a "somewhat" normal weekend although it's kind of hard to say that normal will be my way of life for quite a while yet. I even pretended to be so "normal" that I went shopping at WalMart. I wanted to make Butch a nice dinner and get a few containers for the project that I finished. Other than breaking out into a cold sweat and feeling like I was in a stupor, I did really well! Luckily they don't give tickets out for driving grocery carts in a zigzag line. It's kind of like when I push my kid's wheelchairs at school. If tickets were given out for driving properly when pushing a large, heavy chair with a mind of it's own, then I'd be in BIG TROUBLE!
Okay, so getting away from "pretending to be normal" and back to "reality". Butch brought me the 4 chemo pills this morning to start my day off bright and early. I then had a phone call from one of my siblings who caught me when my roller coaster was on the way down instead of up. I had good reason though (just in case I needed any reason at all these days). I was working on the power point for my Mother-Son dance at Gregory's wedding. Too many emotions going crazy in a pre-menpausal 53 year old woman on drugs!
My sibling gave me wisdom when I needed it. I was then chauffeured to Winchester for treatment #5 by a lovely friend who doubles as a gourmet chef in her off hours. After getting home, I ate, ate, and ate some more. I will go down in history of being the only person who's on chemo and radiation treatments that will gain weight instead of lose it. I really don't care. I'm grateful for my appetite. I use to let the scales rule my life each and every morning before I had the first sip of water. Now, in the first time in 39 years, Butch actually heard the nurse say what I weighed. I wanted to tweak her nose a little because did she NOT learn in basic nursing 101 that you DON'T say a woman's weight out loud in front of another person, particularly her husband. Oh well, it's done. I'll forgive her this time but when I gain my next 10 pounds, she better just mouth the new number to me!
I took a nice, long afternoon nap. It seems that the tiredness just washes over me. I know when it's time to lay my head down!
Only 23 more to go! Mr. Potato Head and I bid you.....Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Weekends are FREE!
It was such a good feeling to wake up this morning and not have to take the chemo pills. It was an even better feeling to not have to go to Winchester for radiation. Tomorrow will be the same wonderful feeling. Next weekend, I'll actually get a 3 day break because of the holiday. While I thought that I would have wanted to do 28 days straight (not an option) and get treatment over with, it's been a great "Pretend" feeling today that my life is back to normal.
That's when it hits me. I feel like it's any other weekend and then ... POW... I remember that I have pancreatic cancer. As any person who's been given a cancer diagnosis, I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I could K-N-O-W that this will all be okay.
But what am I thinking??? Life is unknown for all of us every minute of the day. I've said this before and unfortunately still feel this way. I can say I have cancer, I understand I have cancer, but I just don't "Believe" I have cancer........just can't believe it. If I had that crystal ball, it sure would be easier to cross the bridge into "believing" it.
Two things have me feeling kind of glum. I worked on a special project the ENTIRE day and into the evening. It's something that I've wanted to do for years, but decided that now was the time to do it. The other thing is I watched the final episode of Desperate Housewives. Yeah, not a good thing to watch as Mrs. McCluskey listened to Johnny Mathias in her final minutes. What was I thinking?????
Okay, enough of a pity party Sharon Ann. Get on that horse and ride with your head held high. Seeing my hosta in full bloom back by my pond is a beautiful sight.
That's when it hits me. I feel like it's any other weekend and then ... POW... I remember that I have pancreatic cancer. As any person who's been given a cancer diagnosis, I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I could K-N-O-W that this will all be okay.
But what am I thinking??? Life is unknown for all of us every minute of the day. I've said this before and unfortunately still feel this way. I can say I have cancer, I understand I have cancer, but I just don't "Believe" I have cancer........just can't believe it. If I had that crystal ball, it sure would be easier to cross the bridge into "believing" it.
Two things have me feeling kind of glum. I worked on a special project the ENTIRE day and into the evening. It's something that I've wanted to do for years, but decided that now was the time to do it. The other thing is I watched the final episode of Desperate Housewives. Yeah, not a good thing to watch as Mrs. McCluskey listened to Johnny Mathias in her final minutes. What was I thinking?????
Okay, enough of a pity party Sharon Ann. Get on that horse and ride with your head held high. Seeing my hosta in full bloom back by my pond is a beautiful sight.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Back From the Land of the Sleeping
In my resume for Thursday, May 17, I will include only these events:
- Radiation
- Eating
- Popping pills to include 8 chemo, 2 rash, 2 nausea, 2 pain,1 sleeping, 1 blood pressure, 1 Vit. D, 1 Fish Oil, 1 Multivitamin and a partridge in a pear tree and
- SLEEPING, lots and lots of sleeping.
- Oh, I did vacuum the house to try to make-believe that I am valuable.
I woke up around 12:00 last night HUNGRY, just like The Hungry Bear who Likes Red Ripe Strawberries. Let's face it, sleeping is a full time job. A girl works up an appetite doing her job! A little protein and fruit put me back to sleep until 6:45 this morning.
I am almost afraid to say it but I FEEL SO GOOD this morning! I know it may be short lived until the chemo pills already taken kick in and then the 3 shots of radiation get zapped from top, bottom and side...but hey, I'll take a couple hours of feeling GOOD! The best part is that I'm feeling good and haven't had to take any pain pills since yesterday at noon.
It looks like I may be able to add more to my resume today. I already cleaned one bathroom, filled dog water bottle AND helped Butch take the cover off the pool. I'm on a roll.
Watch out...today may just be my 4 leaf clover lucky day!
This special clover was found by one of my students at Catoctin while waiting for the bus!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
There's NO Room for Growth
It's set up that when I go for radiation M-F, I see the doctor on Tuesday and nurse on Friday after treatment. Dr. Straus was off on Tuesday so I saw her yesterday. I had, as usual, a lot of questions written down.
- I wanted to get a prescription for nausea medicine...think I'm going to need it....check
- I wanted to see if she could give me something else for a rash that I have on my tummy....check
- I wanted to find out the reason that I developed a bright red rash on my left cheek since arriving that morning for radiation (added this question when I changed into my gown for treatment). I thought I knew, as only Dr. Funk would, but wanted to see what the one with all the medical degrees knew. Her response was, "I don't know". Well, let me tell you my diagnosis. I have been extremely itchy taking the Perecot pain medication. I mentioned it to Dr. Major and he said that it might be an intolerance to it. Just keep an eye on it. Just as I developed a rash to Morphine at UVA (although the night nurse who wore a patient hospital gown thought it was an allergy to the washcloth???), I think I'm allergic to Perecot. Dr. Straus called over to Dr. Major's office and they switched me, yet again, to another pain medicine. I asked her if the list of options was long because it seems that I'm going through the list rather quickly. I must say, it sure would be nice to get rid off the itching. I've scratched my arms raw. New medication. Dilaudid....check
- I wanted to find out the "new" size of the tumor based on the pancreatic CT scan that I had last week. When they discovered the tumor at UVA on April 23, it was 1.8 cm. In my mind, I knew it was growing. It had to be. There were no treatments to make it stop. My symptoms had drastically changed the last 2 weeks...more frequent spasms in my gut, pain in my back shoulder blade.... I knew it was growing. Dr. Straus went back and measured it from the CT scan. It had grown to 2.5 cm. I'm not going to even pretend to understand the rate of growth. It hasn't even been a month yet since I found out about this "thing". It is what it is. HOWEVER, it can no longer grow. I've had 20 chemo P-I-L-S and 2 radiation treatments. I will be on my way for the 3rd radiation treatment in just a little while. Yeah, there's no room for growth now. YOU ARE GOING DOWN! As my Catoctin Caregivers said in their song.....
Hey, come on, radiation, and chemo too.
Sharon, can beat this thing, with the 2 of you!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
DAY and TIME Are My Priorities These Days
As a special education teacher, my planning calendar is
vital to me. It tells me WHAT I need to do WHEN in order to meet mandatory
deadlines. As a speech pathologist, we have a large caseload, sometimes up to
65 kids that are seen 1-2 times a week. I carry my schedule around with me at
all times to know which children I work with from which rooms and at what
time. Even though my schedule is attached to my hip, I have been known on MORE
than one occasion to walk into a 1st grade teacher’s classroom week after week
at the wrong time to get my speech kids. I always feel so bad because I put her
in a tailspin as she asks herself, "Am I that far behind in my own schedule?"
I am a person who requires my life, both
professionally and personally, to be ORGANIZED. I don't do well with a
"mess" or "heap" or "things out of order". It
makes me feel jumbled inside....jittery if you will. Sometimes I have been
known to piddle in my stamp room, not creating handmade greeting cards or
scrapbook pages, but just organizing. I love organizing. It puts a smile on my
face to piddle and organize! Yes, a label makes is one of my favorite pieces of
equipment!
It seems that the last few days have focused around two
important criteria. What DAY of the week it is so that I know what appointments
I have and what TIME it is? I have to keep the pain medicine in me every 4
hours or I pay the piper. Last night I had fallen asleep and somehow let all of
the pain medicine get out of my system for several hours. It was not a pretty
picture around 11:30 last night when I woke up. I SUPER-SIZED my pain order,
taking the 2 pills instead of 1. The best part is that the pain medicine works quickly once it gets into my system. Yeah for Percocet!
I love to be creative. It’s a talent that I got from my mom. I’m drawn
to people that are creative. A dear friend of mine, who just so happens to be one of the TOP
school showcase creators in the field, came up with a very clever idea. She suggested
that, as I take my 4 chemo pills twice a day, I think of a 4-letter word of
something that I am thankful for or something that means a lot to me.
Together with her suggestions, is a beginning list. She even suggested I use abbreviations if I wanted to. I've given myself permission to even spell words phonetically. Basically, if I want a word to be included in this list, I WILL find a way for it to be a 4-letter word! I have to leave to go to radiation now so this list is by no way complete! It's also not in order of importance. H-O-P-E; M-A-T-E (for Butch); G-R-E-G; B-R-A-D; L-R-I-N (Gregory's finance Loren); V-A-L-L (Bradley's girlfriend Val); L-I-V-E; L-I-F-E; L-0-V-E; K-I-D-S; F-M-L-Y (for family); S-P-C-H (for speech); K-E-M-O (for chemotherapy); H-O-M-E; K-E-L-I (dear friend and creator of this wonderful idea)
Together with her suggestions, is a beginning list. She even suggested I use abbreviations if I wanted to. I've given myself permission to even spell words phonetically. Basically, if I want a word to be included in this list, I WILL find a way for it to be a 4-letter word! I have to leave to go to radiation now so this list is by no way complete! It's also not in order of importance. H-O-P-E; M-A-T-E (for Butch); G-R-E-G; B-R-A-D; L-R-I-N (Gregory's finance Loren); V-A-L-L (Bradley's girlfriend Val); L-I-V-E; L-I-F-E; L-0-V-E; K-I-D-S; F-M-L-Y (for family); S-P-C-H (for speech); K-E-M-O (for chemotherapy); H-O-M-E; K-E-L-I (dear friend and creator of this wonderful idea)
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
J + S = Forever Together
Last year, I bought a "J" scrabble tile in honor of my mom. When our resident Catoctin artist finished painting it, she put it in my school mailbox. I found the receipt saying that I paid for it, but where was the tile? Hmmmm, the mailbox is only so big. After a lot of detective work by the upper administration, it was concluded that the tile shimmed it's way to the back of my mailbox, where there just so happens to be a gap in the wood that leads to the back of a concrete area behind the staff's mailboxes. After a top secret summit meeting with the higher ups, the idea of a demolition crew was considered to come in and tear down the entire wall with jack hammers to retrieve the $5.00 scrabble tile. It was unanimously decided that SOL's were getting ready to begin and the noise generated from the jack hammers would cause a test violation. The tile would just have to remain in the walls forever.
I found it quite ironic that a symbol that represented my mom would be in the walls of Catoctin until the very end. A piece of her was always going to be with me at school.
In my honor, a very thoughtful kindergarten teacher bought a "S" scrabble tile this past week. She went to my mailbox and purposely pushed the "S" tile to the back. Over the cliff of the mailbox it went to join my mom's "J" scrabble tile. She sent me this message, "It's done...a purple "S" tile is forever in the walls of Catoctin along with the one for your mom!"
Have you ever heard of people being so kind and thoughtful in your life? Taking the time each day to make at least one memory is what life is all about.
In the beginning of the year, a church group that adopted our school gave us a delicious breakfast. The pastor told us what our school meant to the members of his congregation. He said something that struck me profoundly, so much so that I wrote it on top of the legal pad that I had brought to the breakfast. He said, "People caring about people."
The bricks and mortar that binds the walls of Catoctin Elementary together, minus the crack in the back of my mailbox, holds within it what it truly means for "People caring about people".
I found it quite ironic that a symbol that represented my mom would be in the walls of Catoctin until the very end. A piece of her was always going to be with me at school.
In my honor, a very thoughtful kindergarten teacher bought a "S" scrabble tile this past week. She went to my mailbox and purposely pushed the "S" tile to the back. Over the cliff of the mailbox it went to join my mom's "J" scrabble tile. She sent me this message, "It's done...a purple "S" tile is forever in the walls of Catoctin along with the one for your mom!"
Have you ever heard of people being so kind and thoughtful in your life? Taking the time each day to make at least one memory is what life is all about.
In the beginning of the year, a church group that adopted our school gave us a delicious breakfast. The pastor told us what our school meant to the members of his congregation. He said something that struck me profoundly, so much so that I wrote it on top of the legal pad that I had brought to the breakfast. He said, "People caring about people."
The bricks and mortar that binds the walls of Catoctin Elementary together, minus the crack in the back of my mailbox, holds within it what it truly means for "People caring about people".
Please Join Me in Celebrating
Please join me in celebrating!
Who: Sharon A. Funk
What: Took her first 4 chemotherapy pills
When: At 5:45 a.m. on May 15, 2012
Where: In her home joined with her loving husband Butch
Why: Because she is now OFFICIALLY at war with the "THING"
Monday, May 14, 2012
Oh and by the way...
Butch and I had a VERY busy day. I had a 9:15 a.m. appointment at the radiation oncologists for my "final markings". This is not to be confused with a "final fitting" as Loren has had for her wedding dress.
I was reunited with my "mold". The impression in the middle is where my head fits and then I hold my arms over my head, grabbing onto the two black pegs. Looks simple enough, however today I had to lay in this position for a very long time. The mold is formed to my head and arms so that they don't move while the x-ray machine rotates around my body taking pictures from top, bottom and sides. After being in this position for what I felt was an eternity, my right arm started to have a spasm. I asked the therapist if I could bring my arms down for just a second and she said..."No". She wasn't sure if the doctor had read the x-rays yet. What???? I can't bring them down for even a second? How was I going to make it through? Relax and Pray was the answer that I knew would help me make it through these next tough minutes. So I relaxed and I prayed, and prayed, and prayed! When the therapist gave me the go ahead to lower my arms, I all but cried in jubilation. The feeling was better than the BEST Banana Split Ice Cream Sundae that I've ever had.
The therapist used quite a lot of black sharpie on me today. She even brought out the big guns...she got out her "paint marker" to make marks on top of the permanent sharpie marks. I look like a crossword puzzle with all of the parallel and horizontal lines that are on my stomach. Then came the tattooing. I think I have 4 or 5 forever permanent dots. I can't really see them because they are hidden under the paint marker. For MANY years to come, these dots will be a reminder of so many things. They will be a reminder of ALL the love that I have from SO many people. They will be a reminder of the prayers and support from people I know as well as people I have never even met. They will be a reminder that All Things Are Possible!
Butch and I look at "extra time" quite differently these days. We thoroughly enjoyed the hours between the final markings appointment and the 3:30 oncologist appointment by just being together. We actually accomplished everything from my "to do" list. We were able to cross a lot off the list of items we needed for the wedding rehearsal dinner. We ate a good lunch at Chipotle's and to kill a little more time, I even shopped at the Country Treasure's Store at the mall. I feel like I'm in heaven when I'm in there.
Then off to the oncologist's office. Sitting in the waiting room is a hard experience. When you check in, they give you a sticker to put on your shirt. It makes it very clear who the patient is from who everyone else is. As you look around at people, and people look at you, you can't help to think of the common bond that everyone has. EVERYONE with a sticker has cancer. Everyone with a sticker has some "thing" in their body...all in different spots...but a "thing" is inside their body as it is in mine. It's NOT fair when I looked around the waiting room at the 2 young men who had their "sticker" on. It's NOT fair that they had to be touched by cancer at such a young age. I feel like I'm young...53 is young (I've heard it described as the new 43), but these boys are young. It's NOT fair. Please pray for them. Their names are unknown, only identified by the sticker they wore on their shirt, but they need our prayers too!
Dr. Major sent via computer a prescription to my pharmacy for 240 Xeloda 500 MG Tablets. I will take 4 pills, two times a day for 6 weeks. I will take them only on the days that I have radiation. I will not have to sit in a cold room lined with chairs for treatment. I remember vividly the hours that I sat with my mom when she received chemo. YOUR prayers have made it possible for me to be able to take my chemotherapy in my own home.
I will finish chemo/radiation on or around June 22nd. Then it's time for my pancreas to "rest". For a month after I finish treatment, the chemo and radiation will still be working in my body. The week of July 9-13th, I need to schedule an appointment to see Dr. Adams at UVA for a CT scan. I will have a MRI here prior to going to his visit. I want everyone to remember how meant-to-be this timeline is working out. Gregory and Loren get married July 28th. Is this not the most amazing timeline in the world? Can you see how YOUR prayers are making this the best scenario that it can be? Seriously...how can I be this lucky?
I asked Dr. Major a VERY IMPORTANT question today. One that I REALLY needed him to answer in order to be able to find strength. I asked how he determined that my cancer was at a Stage 1 and not at a Stage 2 or worse. As I rehearsed this question in my head for the last few days, I got a pit in the bottom of my stomach. What if he said that he was mistaken and it really wasn't at a Stage 1? What if I heard him wrong in the first place and he never really said that it was at a Stage 1? What if I couldn't handle his answer?
Here was his answer....It's a Stage 1 because of the size of the tumor, that my liver and lymph nodes are not involved, and that it is a dissectable lesion. YOUR prayers and my knowing my body well enough to know that "something was just not right" has made my cancer at a Stage 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now for part two of the VERY IMPORTANT question. "Dr. Major, do you think, and I know that it's just speculation at this time, but do YOU think that I may be able to say one day that I'm Cancer Free?" In ALL of the conversations with ALL the doctors that we've had in the last 3 weeks, I have NOT cried once in front of a doctor. Even when they said they found a mass in my pancreas...even when they said that it was cancer....I did not cry. For the very first time, I cried today when I asked this VERY IMPORTANT question to Dr. Major.
His response was quite simple. The location of the tumor is difficult because of the blood vessels that the mass is next to and that is why I am beginning the 6 weeks of treatments tomorrow to "shrink, shrink, shrink-----shrink, shrink, shrink---shrink that tumor, shrink that tumor. But YES, he thinks that it's very possible to be able to say that I'll be cancer free after the surgery. YOUR PRAYERS ARE POWERFUL!
And oh, btw, the results of my brain MRI that I have been waiting every minute of every day since Wednesday to find out if I have brain cancer, showed "No evidence of metastatic disease." I do have a tiny amount of fluid in my sphenoid sinus and a 2 cm retention cyst in my inferior left maxillary sinus (which I've seen written before in other reports), but I DO NOT HAVE BRAIN CANCER. Dr. Major said that the dizziness that I'm experiencing appears to be separate from the pancreatic stuff going on. If it continues or gets worse, he'll refer me to an E.N.T. Personally, I can handle being a Dizzy Izzy as long as it's not brain cancer.
I was reunited with my "mold". The impression in the middle is where my head fits and then I hold my arms over my head, grabbing onto the two black pegs. Looks simple enough, however today I had to lay in this position for a very long time. The mold is formed to my head and arms so that they don't move while the x-ray machine rotates around my body taking pictures from top, bottom and sides. After being in this position for what I felt was an eternity, my right arm started to have a spasm. I asked the therapist if I could bring my arms down for just a second and she said..."No". She wasn't sure if the doctor had read the x-rays yet. What???? I can't bring them down for even a second? How was I going to make it through? Relax and Pray was the answer that I knew would help me make it through these next tough minutes. So I relaxed and I prayed, and prayed, and prayed! When the therapist gave me the go ahead to lower my arms, I all but cried in jubilation. The feeling was better than the BEST Banana Split Ice Cream Sundae that I've ever had.
Butch and I look at "extra time" quite differently these days. We thoroughly enjoyed the hours between the final markings appointment and the 3:30 oncologist appointment by just being together. We actually accomplished everything from my "to do" list. We were able to cross a lot off the list of items we needed for the wedding rehearsal dinner. We ate a good lunch at Chipotle's and to kill a little more time, I even shopped at the Country Treasure's Store at the mall. I feel like I'm in heaven when I'm in there.
Then off to the oncologist's office. Sitting in the waiting room is a hard experience. When you check in, they give you a sticker to put on your shirt. It makes it very clear who the patient is from who everyone else is. As you look around at people, and people look at you, you can't help to think of the common bond that everyone has. EVERYONE with a sticker has cancer. Everyone with a sticker has some "thing" in their body...all in different spots...but a "thing" is inside their body as it is in mine. It's NOT fair when I looked around the waiting room at the 2 young men who had their "sticker" on. It's NOT fair that they had to be touched by cancer at such a young age. I feel like I'm young...53 is young (I've heard it described as the new 43), but these boys are young. It's NOT fair. Please pray for them. Their names are unknown, only identified by the sticker they wore on their shirt, but they need our prayers too!
Dr. Major sent via computer a prescription to my pharmacy for 240 Xeloda 500 MG Tablets. I will take 4 pills, two times a day for 6 weeks. I will take them only on the days that I have radiation. I will not have to sit in a cold room lined with chairs for treatment. I remember vividly the hours that I sat with my mom when she received chemo. YOUR prayers have made it possible for me to be able to take my chemotherapy in my own home.
I will finish chemo/radiation on or around June 22nd. Then it's time for my pancreas to "rest". For a month after I finish treatment, the chemo and radiation will still be working in my body. The week of July 9-13th, I need to schedule an appointment to see Dr. Adams at UVA for a CT scan. I will have a MRI here prior to going to his visit. I want everyone to remember how meant-to-be this timeline is working out. Gregory and Loren get married July 28th. Is this not the most amazing timeline in the world? Can you see how YOUR prayers are making this the best scenario that it can be? Seriously...how can I be this lucky?
I asked Dr. Major a VERY IMPORTANT question today. One that I REALLY needed him to answer in order to be able to find strength. I asked how he determined that my cancer was at a Stage 1 and not at a Stage 2 or worse. As I rehearsed this question in my head for the last few days, I got a pit in the bottom of my stomach. What if he said that he was mistaken and it really wasn't at a Stage 1? What if I heard him wrong in the first place and he never really said that it was at a Stage 1? What if I couldn't handle his answer?
Here was his answer....It's a Stage 1 because of the size of the tumor, that my liver and lymph nodes are not involved, and that it is a dissectable lesion. YOUR prayers and my knowing my body well enough to know that "something was just not right" has made my cancer at a Stage 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now for part two of the VERY IMPORTANT question. "Dr. Major, do you think, and I know that it's just speculation at this time, but do YOU think that I may be able to say one day that I'm Cancer Free?" In ALL of the conversations with ALL the doctors that we've had in the last 3 weeks, I have NOT cried once in front of a doctor. Even when they said they found a mass in my pancreas...even when they said that it was cancer....I did not cry. For the very first time, I cried today when I asked this VERY IMPORTANT question to Dr. Major.
His response was quite simple. The location of the tumor is difficult because of the blood vessels that the mass is next to and that is why I am beginning the 6 weeks of treatments tomorrow to "shrink, shrink, shrink-----shrink, shrink, shrink---shrink that tumor, shrink that tumor. But YES, he thinks that it's very possible to be able to say that I'll be cancer free after the surgery. YOUR PRAYERS ARE POWERFUL!
And oh, btw, the results of my brain MRI that I have been waiting every minute of every day since Wednesday to find out if I have brain cancer, showed "No evidence of metastatic disease." I do have a tiny amount of fluid in my sphenoid sinus and a 2 cm retention cyst in my inferior left maxillary sinus (which I've seen written before in other reports), but I DO NOT HAVE BRAIN CANCER. Dr. Major said that the dizziness that I'm experiencing appears to be separate from the pancreatic stuff going on. If it continues or gets worse, he'll refer me to an E.N.T. Personally, I can handle being a Dizzy Izzy as long as it's not brain cancer.
"Shrink That Tumor" by Catoctin Caregivers
NO WHERE, absolutely, positively NO WHERE, on the face of this green earth, are there people that care more than what I have as coworkers, friends and family at Catoctin Elementary School in Leesburg, Virginia!
The definition of Caregivers according to the American Cancer Society Relay For Life:
Caregivers are people who give their time, love and support to friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers who are facing cancer. Caregivers play an important role. Cancer reaches far beyond the person diagnosed.
Please take the time to watch this video clip. From it, you will be able to experience what I receive each and every day from Catoctin Elementary. You will be able to see why I want more than anything in the world to go back to work. Most people want to stay home, but NOT ME! I want to be able to be back doing what I love best -- teaching -- and being with the people that I love the most.
http://youtu.be/DZaFlmklzfo
[Intro]
32 beats
Aah, come on…….Catoctin staff…..join Sharon’s Team!
We can….we can give her…just what she needs!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Hey, come on, radiation, and chemo too.
Sharon, can beat this thing, with the 2 of you!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink,….. Shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink,….. Shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Make it smaller every day.
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
It doesn’t stand a chance!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Sharon can do it! She can do it!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Come on shrink it, shrink it now!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
Wooo Hooo let’s make it gone!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
We ‘re all on Sharon’s Team
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
Let’s make it go away!
[fade out] Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
The definition of Caregivers according to the American Cancer Society Relay For Life:
Caregivers are people who give their time, love and support to friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers who are facing cancer. Caregivers play an important role. Cancer reaches far beyond the person diagnosed.
Please take the time to watch this video clip. From it, you will be able to experience what I receive each and every day from Catoctin Elementary. You will be able to see why I want more than anything in the world to go back to work. Most people want to stay home, but NOT ME! I want to be able to be back doing what I love best -- teaching -- and being with the people that I love the most.
SHRINK THAT TUMOR
(dedicated, with TONS
of love, to Sharon Funk)
Sung
to the tune of Shake Your Booty
Aah, come on…….Catoctin staff…..join Sharon’s Team!
We can….we can give her…just what she needs!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Hey, come on, radiation, and chemo too.
Sharon, can beat this thing, with the 2 of you!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink,….. Shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink,….. Shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Shrink that tumor! Shrink that tumor!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Make it smaller every day.
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
It doesn’t stand a chance!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Sharon can do it! She can do it!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink that tumor
Come on shrink it, shrink it now!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
Wooo Hooo let’s make it gone!
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
We ‘re all on Sharon’s Team
Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
Let’s make it go away!
[fade out] Let’s shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink ,shrink that tumor
Sunday, May 13, 2012
My Mother's Day
Being a mom to my two boys is one of the most precious parts of my life. They're men now but they will always be "My Boys" no matter how old I am or how old they are. My boys are everything to me.
Today we had a delicious Mother's Day Brunch! A brunch in my honor is a first for me! I enjoyed each and every bite. In fact, I made a piggy of myself by going back for seconds. You just can't pass up good food!
The best gifts, particularly at this time of my rather shambled life, are the words that are written in a card or sent to me by email. I so deeply appreciate the messages that I've gotten today from the dear friends at school that think of me as a "Mom" to them. I grabbed hold of each of your words, knowing just how special you are to me and the bond that we share.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers in the world that love their children as much as I love mine!
Happy Mother's Day to my own mom...I miss you! I miss all of the fun we shared looking at a piece of material and seeing the beauty in the most delicate of designs. I miss hearing you say, "You little monkey!" when we did something you thought was special. I miss our trips to Harrisonburg when my pockets were bulging with tips from waitressing at Bryce Mountain.
Mom, as you take a walk with God, please ask him to .... please ask him to take my fear away. Please ask him to let me be able to hear the words someday soon that I'm cancer free. Please ask him to give me the strength to be all that I want to be and do all that I want to do and say all that I want to say. Please ask him mom to make this nightmare go away. I love you mom....
Today we had a delicious Mother's Day Brunch! A brunch in my honor is a first for me! I enjoyed each and every bite. In fact, I made a piggy of myself by going back for seconds. You just can't pass up good food!
The best gifts, particularly at this time of my rather shambled life, are the words that are written in a card or sent to me by email. I so deeply appreciate the messages that I've gotten today from the dear friends at school that think of me as a "Mom" to them. I grabbed hold of each of your words, knowing just how special you are to me and the bond that we share.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers in the world that love their children as much as I love mine!
Happy Mother's Day to my own mom...I miss you! I miss all of the fun we shared looking at a piece of material and seeing the beauty in the most delicate of designs. I miss hearing you say, "You little monkey!" when we did something you thought was special. I miss our trips to Harrisonburg when my pockets were bulging with tips from waitressing at Bryce Mountain.
Mom, as you take a walk with God, please ask him to .... please ask him to take my fear away. Please ask him to let me be able to hear the words someday soon that I'm cancer free. Please ask him to give me the strength to be all that I want to be and do all that I want to do and say all that I want to say. Please ask him mom to make this nightmare go away. I love you mom....
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