I know it's been a week since I've posted. It's not that I haven't wanted to. I just don't have the energy. But Sharon, how can writing a couple of sentences on a computer be draining? It takes more physical and emotional energy than I have been able to scrape up. When Kelli T. said she didn't have any fingernails left, I knew that I had to dig deep to update today!
On Monday, I went to the oncologist to find out about the last leg of my journey. Bottom line is that in a few weeks, I will begin chemotherapy again. This time I will go into the Virginia Cancer Center in Winchester for the treatment one time a week for an hour IV treatment. I'll go for 3 weeks in a row and then take a 1 week break. I will do this for ...... 6 months. I can't believe the length of this treatment. 6 months feels like an eternity to me. The number one side effect from the drug is fatigue. I can count on having a fever on the day of treatment. Other side effects, such as liver and lung toxicity, are rare.
On Tuesday, I went to UVA for another follow-up with the surgeon. We had to wait over an hour to get in to a room. It's a sad thing to see a doctor's office that specializes in what my surgeon's office does so busy. Another doctor came in to take the wound vac off and see what was what. Right away, she made the decision that I was FINISHED with the wound vac!. Everything looked wonderful and would continue healing with just a wet to dry dressing over the wound. Good bye suction machine stuck to my stomach for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for over 5 weeks! Thank you for making such a major difference in healing my wound. Then Dr. Adam's nurse came in and took care of calling home health for the new wound care orders. I was so worried that I was once again not going to be able to see Dr. Adams. I really needed to see HIM. I think that the professionals that were with me saw how fragile my emotional state was. Perhaps the crying gave it away...I'm not sure. Within a few minutes, the most important person came in. For the next 15-20 minutes, Dr. Adams made the biggest difference in my world. We had a few heart to heart talks while I was in the hospital. During that time, I feel that he really got to know me. He ALWAYS listens to what I'm saying. On Tuesday, he did all those things again. I told him about the odds for cancer recurrence that I got when I went to the oncologists the day before. As he's done before, he helped me to put everything into perspective. He told me about living each day for that day because we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I grabbed hold of each and every word that he had to say. When I realized that this was the last time I would see him, he said that it would be professionally but that any time I needed to see him, we could meet on a social level. What kind of man does this? Only the most wonderful surgeon in the world. He has given so much to Butch and I.
On Wednesday morning, with the wound vac off for the first time, I took my first REAL shower. I don't need to say any more than OMG!
On Wednesday after my shower, I got a spurt of energy. It's amazing what hot water does for you. I dusted the rec room and cleaned my bathroom. I watered my inside plants, giving some a boost of life that they desperately needed.
On Wednesday afternoon, the home health care nurse came to finish up with the wound vac and change the dressing. A few minutes later, physical therapy came to have me do some exercises and walk.
On Wednesday evening, I crashed. After being gone for 2 days back to back for doctor appointments and then doing some "fall cleaning", I was exhausted. I usually don't need an excuse to be exhausted...just am. Yesterday I had my reasons.
Although it's true that I haven't had the physical energy to blog, the biggest reason has been that I haven't had the emotional strength. I've been struggling for me. One that I know that I'm going through. All I can say is that I'm trying hard to climb out from the dark hole that I found that I was in. Slow and steady, I'm inching forward.
5 comments:
Sharon:
I am so touched that you dug deep within today to muster the physical and emotional energy to update all of us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
It's so good to hear that the wound vac has done its job and is now history. Yet another thing you can check off your "recovery checklist". Woo hoo!
I understand your heartache about the length of time for chemotherapy, but that chemotherapy is so important. Try thinking of each infusion as a Calgon infusion (just without the bathtub, bubbles and fluffy bath towel) . . . that "Calgon" infusion is TAKING YOUR CANCER AWAY. Think of the chemo as cleansing your body from the inside out, and getting rid of all of the impurities inside.
When you are up to it, go back and read through your blog entries from the very beginning, as well as the responses of all of us who love you. Be reminded of where you were, where you are, and where you are going to be in a matter of months - CANCER FREE AND FULL OF LIFE!
You know, though you haven't been at your desk at Catoctin teaching and instructing little ones, you have been teaching us, your blog followers . . . you've taught us the importance of strength in the face of adversity, you've taught us to live each day to its fullest because none of us know when we might be faced with a life-changing event, and you've taught us the importance of being there for and supporting each other. I could go on and on with this list. I am confident that you'll continue teaching all of us through your experiences. Thank you, dear teacher and friend!
Lots of love, Sharon! I stand in awe of you, your resilience, your strength and your courage. . .
Kelli
We could not have said it any better Kelli. All I could do when I got into my car today was shout "WAAA HOOO" and Thank God for hearing all our Prayers for you and your family. Many hugs being sent your way.
Sweet Sharon, you are one very incredible woman. You amaze me. Sending so much love your way!
Sending you a gentle hug, love and prayers. For so many reason you have been one of my heros, you continue to amaze me. There will be some hard days ahead but we all know you will get to the end of this journey. Stay strong.
Xoxo. Your McGovern family
Sharon,
Ahhh...the sound of your written voice---true music to our ears! As I write this my heart is not as burdened. Some amazing, wonderful and positive signs of healing! It all makes my heart sing for joy!!! I think all your friends really needed to hear your words. Believe me, YOU are the wind beneath our wings. Mrs. Titus is spot on...you have and continue to teach us so much about life as you inch your way to complete healing. To put it simply: YOU ROCK GIRL!!! Keep fighting like a girl...we'll keep cheering from the sidelines and we'll be with you to tackle the opposition!!
Sending you hugs, special thoughts, lots of prayers, and bunches of love my dear friend....
KB
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