5 + 4 + 3 EQUALS

Equals 12 if my math is correct. It also happens to be my pain level. In no way am I inflating that number in any way.

Today was normally a day that my husband was suppose to work; however because of the economy, his hours have been majorly impacted. He was to only work this afternoon. My pain clinic appointment was at 12:15 so I encouraged him to go to work...get the hours while he can because I knew I wasn't going to get an injection. It's too early to get another injection so I would be able to drive back home myself. Seeing how hard it was for me to even walk out to the car, he followed behind me to the clinic and then helped me get inside the hospital. It was extremely painful to take that short walk to the door, but with his help, I made it.

When the little receptionist at the clinic walked me back to the treatment room, she saw what a struggle it was to walk. She told me to lean on her. I laughed through my tears and told her that I would "squish her" if I leaned on her, but thank you so much for offering.  After waiting for an hour, the doctor saw me first ahead of the other patients waiting there for injections. He said that more than likely other nerves have been irritated in addition to what already was inflamed. He said he was going to give me the 3rd injection today,  knowing that it was my only resort of trying to get relief. He gave it to me in the traditional way that has helped in the past.

When I was taking a shower before going to the clinic, I honestly was at the lowest point of my entire life. The pain was beyond what I could handle. I told the doctor that if today was my son's wedding, there would be no way that I could have gone. Can you imagine missing my own son's wedding because of spinal stenosis? The doctor said that we just can't let that happen. He said to double up on the Dilaudid, stay on the steroid and if that didn't work, he would prescribe Oxycontin and Oxycondone....one of those being a "booster" or "breakthrough" for the pain. He also said that he may want another MRI to see what is going on with my spine. I'm scheduled for a MRI on July 23 at UVA for my pancreas so he said that he may call down to the surgeon and see if he can get a picture of my spine through that same MRI. I forget that I have pancreatic cancer. It certainly has taken the back seat to the nerve pain. How can that be? Ironic how this is all happening.

Getting an injection today meant that I now couldn't drive home. I called a friend who immediately dropped what she was doing to come to my rescue. She's been there many times for me in the past years. She was there for me again today. I certainly needed her strength, both emotionally and physically. 

The pain slightly lessens after taking the double dose of Didaudid but only lasts for about a hour before it's right back up again. It certainly doesn't last the 4 hours between doses. I'm giving it until tomorrow but then will call for the stronger medication.  I'm trying to be a patient person.You would think that so much pain medicine in my system would make me sleepy. No such luck.

I don't know what to ask for anymore. I don't know what to do. Since coming home from the pain clinic this afternoon, I can't even find a comfortable position in bed. I am trying hard to not cry so that I can get a mental grip over this pain. I've prayed as hard as I can pray.

Reading my blog has become nothing but a downer for everyone. I promise that when I can go back to just having pancreatic cancer, I will be so much more positive!