EXACTLY What I Needed

My ordinary day yesterday turned out to be EXACTLY what I needed. I even got out my glue gun and fixed something that needed it!! I woke up trying to make it as normal of a day as possible, focusing hard on taking the fact out that I had radiation to go to. I was determined not to take my nap in bed yesterday, instead pretending to be sleepy from reading a book on the couch. I knew the real reason my eyelids weren't staying open but that didn't mean that I was going to let my body take over my mind. I needed it to be my first day of summer ordinary day and by golly, IT WAS!

I want to thank my radiation buddies for allowing me to take control back of my life. It means a lot to me that they support me in knowing what I have to do. All my life, I have had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Being the oldest of 5 in my family was a task in itself. My dad worked away from home for years, so I became the fill-in-parent with my mom in making life decisions. Life wasn't easy much of the time but we made it work.

So take a person who needs to have control of their life ... then take that control away from them. Throw in a little tumor, sprinkle cancer cells on top and what do you have? You have someone who is in total disarray. I had to do something to stop that from happening. I had to make my day as normal as possible to give myself a purpose again. I remember when my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. After taking her to the emergency room and after an immediate hospital stay, my mom came to live with us. I remember watching her just lay in the bed having no purpose. I knew she needed to get a washcloth back in her hand to clean the kitchen counters once again. I also remember when caring for my dad after his health began to decline, that every question someone asked him, his response would be, "Ask Sharon". He didn't have a purpose anymore. I started putting more responsibility back on him. He needed to feel that there was a reason to wake up in the morning.

So, my purpose each day this summer is to wake up and think about what I am going to "do" with my day. Although the glue gun is safely tucked back away in it's labeled container, I might just venture into my craft room again today and get some scrapbooking paper out to create! I might read a little more on the couch. I might piddle, because I am the biggest piddler there is! I will do all of this and perhaps more (or less) after I go to radiation this morning. I will do this (and perhaps less) because I can. I have a purpose.