Tomorrow is the day that I have been waiting for since April 23rd when I was first diagnosed. It is the day that I will entrust to the surgical team to remove the cancerous tumor in my pancreas. It will be the day that I hope so very much that I will be able end by saying "I am CANCER FREE!"
On Friday, about a half an hour before the rehearsal dinner, Dr. Adam's nurse called to say that she got the MRI report back. The most important news she gave me was that there is NO EVIDENCE OF LIVER INVOLVEMENT. That is huge news! HUGE NEWS! If there was, surgery would more than likely not be happening. She said that the tumor is 2.3 x 2.1 centimeters in size. The very first MRI on April 22nd showed that the tumor was 1.8 centimeters. When I had my pancreatic scan prior to starting radiation on May 17th, the tumor had grown to 2.5 centimeters. Although it did not shrink much from chemo and radiation, IT DID SHRINK. Most importantly, it did not grow. It could have been an aggressive tumor that did not respond at all to treatment. The Catoctin Singers/Dancers and all of the prayers that I have received from friends, family, and quite honestly strangers, made this tumor shrink. Thank you to ALL that helped make this happen.
We need to be UVA hospital at 7:30 in the morning and surgery will be at 9:30. It will last between 6 and 10 hours. Many of the decisions that have to be made will be during the surgery, i.e. vein dissection. I know that the surgical team will take the very best care of me. I ask that you pray specifically for the surgeon, Dr. Adams, tomorrow that God may guide him in making me healthy again.
My oldest son's girlfriend, Val, will be updating my blog. I asked her to share everything that the surgeon tells my family tomorrow. She will also be updating during the week. First by information that my husband gives her about how I'm doing. Later in the week, I hope to be able to share information with her myself.
Information that they gave me said that I will likely stay in the hospital 6-10 days. They will have me out of bed on the first day after surgery for a short walk. I will be on a pain pump that will be around the nerves in my back (epidural). I'll have a catheter in my bladder and 2 drains inserted for drainage. I will not have anything to eat or drink for the first few days after surgery. Once my intestines start to recover, I will have clear liquids and then advance to solid food. My blood sugars will be monitored closely because the pancreas is in charge of regulating your blood sugar. If my stomach doesn't wake up and respond to food, I will have to have a feeding tube until it does start to empty.
With that being said, I think that I am going to splurge tonight and have a steak and cheese sub!!!!!
Until I'm home, I leave you in Val's hands!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Wedding Bliss
The wedding was absolutely magical! I've never in my life seen a more radiant bride. Watching our son and his wife look at each other with such love gave me such a feeling of happiness. I knew that they will always be there for each other, always love each other no matter what, and always cherish what they have. My husband and I are so proud of Gregory and Loren. In their hearts, they hold the values that are most important.
May I introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Funk.........
Our oldest son was a fantastic best man. I'm so proud that Bradley made Gregory's wedding full of memories. He showed, in every way possible, what the word "brothers" really mean. Thank you Bradley for being there for your brother...thank you for making mom and dad so very proud of you. With him is the maid of honor and Loren's cousin, Chrissy.
This canvas will hang in Gregory and Loren's home, always reminding them of the family and friends that shared in their wedding. Each leaf on the tree was made with the guest's thumbprint.
We adore Loren and Val, Bradley's beautiful girlfriend. The girls have such a special bond. We know that they will make many memories over the years as they spend time together as couples. We love you girls from the bottom of our hearts!
Gregory and Loren are such a beautiful couple. Their smiles shine from every star in the sky showing how much love they have for each other.
Their first dance was precious. Their love for each other is as large as the ocean and as bright as the sun.
Our mother-son dance is something that I will NEVER forget. It is evident that Gregory is so grateful for us as parents as we are to have him as our son. I love you Gregory more than you will ever know!
The cupcakes and groom's cake were so delicious. Loren's family did such a phenomenal job making the wedding as special as it could be. Thank you Martha and Steve for giving our son such a beautiful wedding to celebrate his marriage to your incredible daughter. Butch and I thank you for creating such memories. Memories that will last a lifetime!
Butch, father of the groom, and our dearest friends, the Leverings. Nancy was my roommate in college 36 years ago. She is Gregory's godmother. Butch and Tommy have a bond that no one could break. We have celebrated so many special occasions with them over the years. This family demonstrates the truest meaning of what friendship is. They have been there for us literally through thick and thin, through laughter and tears, through birth and death. Although we aren't related through blood, they are Aunt Nancy, Uncle Tommy, Cousins Ashley and Russell. They are our family. They are in our hearts FOREVER.
Although I was so excited to see our son get married, I was beyond excited to know that the day would mean that I would see some of my dearest friends from school. These girls are a part of my heart. They are my family, my lifeline, my hope that I will get well soon to be able to come back to my Catoctin family. They are there for me any hour of the day. They give me constant love and encouragement. They share my deepest secrets and feel all the joy I have in my heart. With them, I have lasting friendship. I have unconditional love. I have a support group unlike anything anyone has ever known. When I count my blessings of all that I have in my life, I hold these woman at the forefront of being who I am. Our dearest friend Debbie left before this picture was taken. She may not be visible in the picture, but she is in each of our hearts!
Our friends Pam and Scott are incredible people. They would do anything for us. We have been so fortunate to have them in our everyday lives. Pam and Scott have laughed with us during times of joy. They have cried with us in times of sadness. Pam is my creative inspiration. My mom and I always spent time "creating", whether it be new curtains or ideas for a quilt. Pam has filled that hole that I have by no longer having my mom. We are truly lucky to have them in our lives. Thank you for all you do for us. We appreciate everything, appreciate your friendship, and most of all, appreciate who you are as people.
It has been such a joy having my siblings...Brendan, Colleen, and Danny...part of our magical weekend. The fact that we share the same Lafferty bloodline is important, but our relationship as adults goes far beyond just being brothers and sisters. From the bond I have with each of them, we share our heritage, but most importantly, we have friendship. We have been through so much through our lifetime. Good memories and very hard times. It has made us who we are as adults. Being together this weekend has rekindled the fact that family needs to be there for each other NO MATTER WHAT. Of course it's obviously what our parents wanted for us as siblings. I know that I beg our boys to be there for each other throughout their lifetime. It's my most important wish for them. But being there for each other should be what WE want for ourselves. No one but us share the memories of our childhood. No one but us have gone through the good and bad times growing up. I am so proud that this weekend, we have been able to take ALL of those childhood memories and make them part of who we are today. I love you Brendan, Colleen, and Danny. I appreciate that you have shared in our magical weekend, shared in our loss of Buttons, shared in all the memories that we relived. I love that you were able to meet our friends and them meet you. I love that our families grew closer, bonds grew stronger, and memories were made. I love you all so much. You are my family, but you are also my friends.
Jack's friendship, Butch's childhood friend, is a example that you don't have to be related to have a "brother". Jack has been such an example to our boys of what a true friend is. Throughout their life, Butch and Jack have been able to share many memories together. His parents treated Butch as if he was part of their family. They gave him validation throughout his childhood and adulthood. They were his example of great parents. Jack has always treated our boys as if they were his own. Thank you Jack for being there for Butch, particularly with all that he is going through now being my support system. Thank you for being a role model to our sons. Thank you for loving our family as much as you do.
My niece Shanay has been such a gift to us this week. She has built bonds with the girls that will last a lifetime. She is such a joy to be with, such a beautiful girl both inside and out. I love you Shanay for all the memories that you have helped to create this week. NaDeem, it has been such a pleasure to meet you. Within the first few minutes of talking with you at our kitchen table, I was in love with the precious person you are. I am so happy to have you part of our family. I look forward to making many more memories with you as the years go on. You are such an awesome young man. Thank you for coming with Shanay all the way from California for her cousin's wedding. What a week it has been!
Our boys have been able to create lasting memories with their cousins this weekend. Shanay is my sister's daughter and Aidan is my brother Danny's son. Aidan was the ring bearer in the ceremony. My brother and his wife Tracey have done a fantastic job raising such an incredible young man. We all have enjoyed being with Aidan, sharing in his awesome personality. There is nothing life family. This is the next generation of cousins that will continue to share in each others lives and make more memories in the coming years. There is nothing like family!
May I introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Funk.........
Our oldest son was a fantastic best man. I'm so proud that Bradley made Gregory's wedding full of memories. He showed, in every way possible, what the word "brothers" really mean. Thank you Bradley for being there for your brother...thank you for making mom and dad so very proud of you. With him is the maid of honor and Loren's cousin, Chrissy.
This canvas will hang in Gregory and Loren's home, always reminding them of the family and friends that shared in their wedding. Each leaf on the tree was made with the guest's thumbprint.
We adore Loren and Val, Bradley's beautiful girlfriend. The girls have such a special bond. We know that they will make many memories over the years as they spend time together as couples. We love you girls from the bottom of our hearts!
Gregory and Loren are such a beautiful couple. Their smiles shine from every star in the sky showing how much love they have for each other.
Their first dance was precious. Their love for each other is as large as the ocean and as bright as the sun.
Our mother-son dance is something that I will NEVER forget. It is evident that Gregory is so grateful for us as parents as we are to have him as our son. I love you Gregory more than you will ever know!
The cupcakes and groom's cake were so delicious. Loren's family did such a phenomenal job making the wedding as special as it could be. Thank you Martha and Steve for giving our son such a beautiful wedding to celebrate his marriage to your incredible daughter. Butch and I thank you for creating such memories. Memories that will last a lifetime!
Butch, father of the groom, and our dearest friends, the Leverings. Nancy was my roommate in college 36 years ago. She is Gregory's godmother. Butch and Tommy have a bond that no one could break. We have celebrated so many special occasions with them over the years. This family demonstrates the truest meaning of what friendship is. They have been there for us literally through thick and thin, through laughter and tears, through birth and death. Although we aren't related through blood, they are Aunt Nancy, Uncle Tommy, Cousins Ashley and Russell. They are our family. They are in our hearts FOREVER.
Although I was so excited to see our son get married, I was beyond excited to know that the day would mean that I would see some of my dearest friends from school. These girls are a part of my heart. They are my family, my lifeline, my hope that I will get well soon to be able to come back to my Catoctin family. They are there for me any hour of the day. They give me constant love and encouragement. They share my deepest secrets and feel all the joy I have in my heart. With them, I have lasting friendship. I have unconditional love. I have a support group unlike anything anyone has ever known. When I count my blessings of all that I have in my life, I hold these woman at the forefront of being who I am. Our dearest friend Debbie left before this picture was taken. She may not be visible in the picture, but she is in each of our hearts!
Our friends Pam and Scott are incredible people. They would do anything for us. We have been so fortunate to have them in our everyday lives. Pam and Scott have laughed with us during times of joy. They have cried with us in times of sadness. Pam is my creative inspiration. My mom and I always spent time "creating", whether it be new curtains or ideas for a quilt. Pam has filled that hole that I have by no longer having my mom. We are truly lucky to have them in our lives. Thank you for all you do for us. We appreciate everything, appreciate your friendship, and most of all, appreciate who you are as people.
It has been such a joy having my siblings...Brendan, Colleen, and Danny...part of our magical weekend. The fact that we share the same Lafferty bloodline is important, but our relationship as adults goes far beyond just being brothers and sisters. From the bond I have with each of them, we share our heritage, but most importantly, we have friendship. We have been through so much through our lifetime. Good memories and very hard times. It has made us who we are as adults. Being together this weekend has rekindled the fact that family needs to be there for each other NO MATTER WHAT. Of course it's obviously what our parents wanted for us as siblings. I know that I beg our boys to be there for each other throughout their lifetime. It's my most important wish for them. But being there for each other should be what WE want for ourselves. No one but us share the memories of our childhood. No one but us have gone through the good and bad times growing up. I am so proud that this weekend, we have been able to take ALL of those childhood memories and make them part of who we are today. I love you Brendan, Colleen, and Danny. I appreciate that you have shared in our magical weekend, shared in our loss of Buttons, shared in all the memories that we relived. I love that you were able to meet our friends and them meet you. I love that our families grew closer, bonds grew stronger, and memories were made. I love you all so much. You are my family, but you are also my friends.
Jack's friendship, Butch's childhood friend, is a example that you don't have to be related to have a "brother". Jack has been such an example to our boys of what a true friend is. Throughout their life, Butch and Jack have been able to share many memories together. His parents treated Butch as if he was part of their family. They gave him validation throughout his childhood and adulthood. They were his example of great parents. Jack has always treated our boys as if they were his own. Thank you Jack for being there for Butch, particularly with all that he is going through now being my support system. Thank you for being a role model to our sons. Thank you for loving our family as much as you do.
My niece Shanay has been such a gift to us this week. She has built bonds with the girls that will last a lifetime. She is such a joy to be with, such a beautiful girl both inside and out. I love you Shanay for all the memories that you have helped to create this week. NaDeem, it has been such a pleasure to meet you. Within the first few minutes of talking with you at our kitchen table, I was in love with the precious person you are. I am so happy to have you part of our family. I look forward to making many more memories with you as the years go on. You are such an awesome young man. Thank you for coming with Shanay all the way from California for her cousin's wedding. What a week it has been!
Our boys have been able to create lasting memories with their cousins this weekend. Shanay is my sister's daughter and Aidan is my brother Danny's son. Aidan was the ring bearer in the ceremony. My brother and his wife Tracey have done a fantastic job raising such an incredible young man. We all have enjoyed being with Aidan, sharing in his awesome personality. There is nothing life family. This is the next generation of cousins that will continue to share in each others lives and make more memories in the coming years. There is nothing like family!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
My Buttons
When my mom got sick 12 years ago, she moved in with us so that I could take care of her. That left my dad alone. Someone brought a litter of puppies to our preschool class and I just knew that one of those little girls was going to go home with me for my dad. Buttons was the love of my dad's life. He spoiled her so much. He even got her a Lands End raincoat so that she wouldn't get wet when it was raining!
When my dad passed away 6 years ago, Buttons came home to live with us. I was so worried how our other dog Casey would accept another dog in the house. The night we brought her home from my dad's house, I slept in the garage with her until morning so that I could slowly introduce Buttons to our dog Casey. They became such great friends. Buttons took the dominant role, as many woman do in a relationship!
My husband and Buttons would play a special game when he would come home from work. He would give her a treat and she would turn her head so that he would twirl the treat around and around. She continually would turn her head away from the treat that she desperately wanted. It was their nightly routine.
She hasn't been feeling well the last few weeks. The last few days she hasn't wanted to eat. I made her chicken and hamburgers to get something into her stomach. The last two days, however, she hasn't wanted to eat anything. I was able to spoon yogurt and pudding into her little mouth to get some calories in her. She was not in any pain. I know that for sure because we would carry her up the stairs to make it easier for her to get from one level of our house to the next. She never yelped or cried to indicate anything was hurting her. We were going to take her to the vet tomorrow, knowing that they would probably tell us to put her to sleep. She's 13 years old. I begged her to not let me have to make that decision.
Last night, when we arrived home from the wedding, I couldn't find her. She wasn't on her beautiful new orthopedic bed in our bedroom. She wasn't on the cool bathroom tile that she love to lay on in my bathroom. She wasn't anywhere in the house.
I went outside, knowing she was somewhere in the backyard. I found my precious Buttons laying peacefully in my flower bed. She died while we were at the wedding. My little Buttons timed it so that she didn't die before the wedding. She didn't make me have to make the decision to put her to sleep. She rested in my flowers and had a peaceful look on her sweet little face.
My husband and youngest brother dug a hole for her in our flower bed. My sister, niece, her boyfriend, my best friend and her daughter all picked a daisy and put it in her grave. I picked additional daisies for my boys and their girls, my mom and dad, our other animals and for my brother and his family. She had a beautiful funeral.
I feel so empty without her. She is the last thing that I have of my dads. Our cat Emily and dog Casey already miss her. Where ever I go in the house, the animals are always right there by my side. When I'm in bed, all three of them are always with me. My husband calls it "Sharon's Arc".
I miss my Buttons so much. I hope that she is with my dad, wagging her tail as they met each other again after many years apart. My heart is torn into little pieces.
Buttons, I love you my sweetheart. I miss you so much. My arc will not be the same without you in it. I will envision you now with daddy, wagging your tail, being so happy to be with him again. I will think about the two of you playing the treat game. We loved you being a part of our family for 6 years. We will all miss rubbing your soft ears. Good Bye my Buttons...........
When my dad passed away 6 years ago, Buttons came home to live with us. I was so worried how our other dog Casey would accept another dog in the house. The night we brought her home from my dad's house, I slept in the garage with her until morning so that I could slowly introduce Buttons to our dog Casey. They became such great friends. Buttons took the dominant role, as many woman do in a relationship!
My husband and Buttons would play a special game when he would come home from work. He would give her a treat and she would turn her head so that he would twirl the treat around and around. She continually would turn her head away from the treat that she desperately wanted. It was their nightly routine.
She hasn't been feeling well the last few weeks. The last few days she hasn't wanted to eat. I made her chicken and hamburgers to get something into her stomach. The last two days, however, she hasn't wanted to eat anything. I was able to spoon yogurt and pudding into her little mouth to get some calories in her. She was not in any pain. I know that for sure because we would carry her up the stairs to make it easier for her to get from one level of our house to the next. She never yelped or cried to indicate anything was hurting her. We were going to take her to the vet tomorrow, knowing that they would probably tell us to put her to sleep. She's 13 years old. I begged her to not let me have to make that decision.
Last night, when we arrived home from the wedding, I couldn't find her. She wasn't on her beautiful new orthopedic bed in our bedroom. She wasn't on the cool bathroom tile that she love to lay on in my bathroom. She wasn't anywhere in the house.
I went outside, knowing she was somewhere in the backyard. I found my precious Buttons laying peacefully in my flower bed. She died while we were at the wedding. My little Buttons timed it so that she didn't die before the wedding. She didn't make me have to make the decision to put her to sleep. She rested in my flowers and had a peaceful look on her sweet little face.
My husband and youngest brother dug a hole for her in our flower bed. My sister, niece, her boyfriend, my best friend and her daughter all picked a daisy and put it in her grave. I picked additional daisies for my boys and their girls, my mom and dad, our other animals and for my brother and his family. She had a beautiful funeral.
I feel so empty without her. She is the last thing that I have of my dads. Our cat Emily and dog Casey already miss her. Where ever I go in the house, the animals are always right there by my side. When I'm in bed, all three of them are always with me. My husband calls it "Sharon's Arc".
I miss my Buttons so much. I hope that she is with my dad, wagging her tail as they met each other again after many years apart. My heart is torn into little pieces.
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| Buttons loved Christmas morning. |
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| When she slept on her bed, I would always cover her in the winter months so that she was nice and cozy. |
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| She would hide under the tissue paper on Christmas morning! |
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| Buttons loved her bed. Her new bed was even better than this one! |
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| Casey and Buttons were such buddies. He already misses her. He keeps looking around for where she could be. We let him be with us last night when we buried her. Casey needed to understand what was happening. |
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| A happy picture of the dogs in the truck while we were outside one day. |
Buttons, I love you my sweetheart. I miss you so much. My arc will not be the same without you in it. I will envision you now with daddy, wagging your tail, being so happy to be with him again. I will think about the two of you playing the treat game. We loved you being a part of our family for 6 years. We will all miss rubbing your soft ears. Good Bye my Buttons...........
Rehearsal Dinner
What a beautiful, memorable evening!
Loren and Gregory were precious at the church rehearsal last night. Nerves have definitely settled in two young people's stomachs! The mother of the bride-to-be has everything so organized that the ceremony will be flawless.
The rehearsal dinner turned out to be everything that we envisioned. We had friends and family, tears and laughter, toasts and memory sharing, good food and spirits. We had it all! The evening could not have filled our hearts any more than it did.
Loren and Gregory were precious at the church rehearsal last night. Nerves have definitely settled in two young people's stomachs! The mother of the bride-to-be has everything so organized that the ceremony will be flawless.
The rehearsal dinner turned out to be everything that we envisioned. We had friends and family, tears and laughter, toasts and memory sharing, good food and spirits. We had it all! The evening could not have filled our hearts any more than it did.
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| Pam, Nancy, Sharon, Colleen decorated for the rehearsal dinner. |
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| Scrapbook Table |
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| Tables decorated with 3 wine bottles with pictures of Loren as a little girl, Loren and Gregory as a couple, and Gregory as a little boy. Each guest got a wine glass and charm as a gift. |
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| Loren gave me this beautiful handkerchief. It's embroidered with the inscription: "Thank you for raising your son to be the man of my dreams. Love, Loren" I will treasure it forever! |
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| One of many family pictures taken at the rehearsal dinner. I love this one because Butch was copying Gregory who would wear his hat 24-7 if he could. It's everyone's smiles that I love the most! |
Friday, July 27, 2012
Cupcake Tasting Dinner
Last night, we had dinner with Loren's family at the cabin hosted by her aunt. It was so great to have both families come together to make new introductions and get to know each other better. The food was delicious with the reddest tomatoes I've ever seen and the sweetest corn I've ever eaten. Everything was absolutely scrumptious!
The buzz of last minute details flooded the room. Everyone is checking their list, marking things off, and adding new things "to do" that may have been forgotten. The important thing is that it's all coming together.
My oldest son and his girlfriend were at the dinner but left before this picture was taken.
I am so excited. The morning has finally arrived that I get to decorate for the rehearsal dinner tonight. I've been planning this for 11 months...and the day is finally here! All of the boxes that are in my craft room will magically disappear and I'll be able to see the 4 corners of the room again. All of my family will arrive by this evening. I haven't seen my sister and one brother in 4 or 5 years.
I'm off to have a wonderful day!
The buzz of last minute details flooded the room. Everyone is checking their list, marking things off, and adding new things "to do" that may have been forgotten. The important thing is that it's all coming together.
My oldest son and his girlfriend were at the dinner but left before this picture was taken.
I am so excited. The morning has finally arrived that I get to decorate for the rehearsal dinner tonight. I've been planning this for 11 months...and the day is finally here! All of the boxes that are in my craft room will magically disappear and I'll be able to see the 4 corners of the room again. All of my family will arrive by this evening. I haven't seen my sister and one brother in 4 or 5 years.
I'm off to have a wonderful day!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
My Darling Niece
Last night, my niece and her boyfriend arrived from California for the wedding. Tonight, the girls (my boy's girlfriend/fiance and niece) are heading off to enjoy dinner and a chick-flick, while the guys (my boys and niece's boyfriend) are heading to the gun club for some target practice.
It is such a joy for me to see the kids enjoy each others company. It gives me so much happiness to see them together!
While they are out enjoying the evening, I am making my husband a nice dinner. He deserves some good food after all of the doctor appointments that I have put him through the last few days.
This afternoon I went to the pain clinic for a follow up. They asked me to rate my pain. I was able to say "0"! The doctor was extremely happy that the medicine combination that he has me on is working. He said to leave everything as it is until after my surgery. We'll then get a MRI of my spine to figure that out and hopefully fix it. I certainly don't want to stay on the medicine for any longer than I need to... but at the same time, I don't want to mess with a good thing. After the surgery, we can figure all of that out. Until then, he suggested that I tell UVA what he has me on so that they can adjust their pain plan with his. It touched me very much that the pain clinic doctor gave me a hug, wishing me the best of luck with the surgery. I know that he really cares about how I feel and the outcome of everything. I'm so lucky to have doctors that have such hearts!
It is such a joy for me to see the kids enjoy each others company. It gives me so much happiness to see them together!
While they are out enjoying the evening, I am making my husband a nice dinner. He deserves some good food after all of the doctor appointments that I have put him through the last few days.
This afternoon I went to the pain clinic for a follow up. They asked me to rate my pain. I was able to say "0"! The doctor was extremely happy that the medicine combination that he has me on is working. He said to leave everything as it is until after my surgery. We'll then get a MRI of my spine to figure that out and hopefully fix it. I certainly don't want to stay on the medicine for any longer than I need to... but at the same time, I don't want to mess with a good thing. After the surgery, we can figure all of that out. Until then, he suggested that I tell UVA what he has me on so that they can adjust their pain plan with his. It touched me very much that the pain clinic doctor gave me a hug, wishing me the best of luck with the surgery. I know that he really cares about how I feel and the outcome of everything. I'm so lucky to have doctors that have such hearts!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
My Future
We left home at 5:30 this morning to head to Charlottesville to see the surgeon, Dr. Adams. We were so nervous waiting in his office...wondering what the news was going to be, wondering what my future held, wondering what the MRI results were going to show.
In a matter of minutes, all of those questions were answered. The MRI showed that the tumor shrunk "a little bit...a couple of millimeters." He did not seem disappointed with these results because he said that it could have grown. It could have been an aggressive tumor that did not respond to the chemo or radiation. Shrinking, even if it was a little bit, was still shrinking. One major thing that we didn't know, or at least it was never explained to us as it was today, is that the tumor is "wrapped around the blood vessel." Beside the blood vessel is an artery. If the tumor was around the artery, there would be NO OPTIONS. Because it's the blood vessel, the option is to do a dissection and actually cut that part of the blood vessel out and replace it with another blood vessel from my neck or leg. The best part of all of the news Dr. Adams gave us is that he is moving ahead with surgery. In fact, I will have the surgery next Wednesday, August 1st! He may have a vascular surgeon part of the team next week in case he does the blood vessel dissection. If he doesn't do the dissection, that meant that he could pull the tumor off the vessel.
The surgery will take about 6 hours. May be longer because of the vessel. He will put 2 drains in that will be in place in case there is leakage. Dr. Adams said that the pancreas is like tissue paper and to put stitches in tissue paper is hard. He said that he will take out the head of the pancreas, the gall bladder, the small intestine, bile ducts and perhaps some of the stomach if it's been affected from radiation. It sounds like a lot of the surgery will be determined once he goes in and sees what is what. He will start the surgery with small incisions so that he can look in with a scope. He said that there is always the chance that surgery can't continue if more organs are involved...i.e. the liver. If all looks good, he will make a vertical incision from my breast bone to belly button. I should be in the hospital about a week. Sometimes the stomach doesn't "wake up" and start responding to food. If that happens, I may need a feeding tube, which would keep me in the hospital a few days longer. I can go home with both the drains and feeding tube if needed.
After meeting with Dr. Adams this morning, I was sent over to the hospital for all of my pre-op procedures. I had a chest x-ray, EKG, blood work and met with the anesthetist nurse. Other than getting my toothbrush packed, I am all ready for surgery next Wednesday!
Today's news was good. I could have been told that surgery wasn't an option... but that's NOT the case! I could have been told that the artery was involved...but that's not the case! It's not great news that the tumor is wrapped around the blood vessel but thank God that there's a solution.
I asked Dr. Adams why the 5 year survival rate is so low (it's like 20%) even after this surgery. He said it's because pancreatic cancer is just not a good cancer to have. He said that, while there are good drugs for other cancers, there isn't anything really good that they have for pancreatic cancer. Because of that, recurrence is high because bad cancer cells are left. I'm hoping that having more chemo after surgery will help reduce any chance of recurrence.
There are many things that I can't control about this disease. I am going to take comfort in the fact that I can have surgery and give this disease a run for it's money. I am going to live each day in the moment and make the most of each day of my life. I am going to control only the things that I can control and leave the rest in God's hands.
It is now time to put all of this out of my mind. It's time to enjoy my family that will be arriving in the next few days. It's time to enjoy all of the friends that I will soon be seeing. It's time to enjoy each moment as we watch our youngest son becomes a husband and we gain a beautiful daughter-in-law.
In a matter of minutes, all of those questions were answered. The MRI showed that the tumor shrunk "a little bit...a couple of millimeters." He did not seem disappointed with these results because he said that it could have grown. It could have been an aggressive tumor that did not respond to the chemo or radiation. Shrinking, even if it was a little bit, was still shrinking. One major thing that we didn't know, or at least it was never explained to us as it was today, is that the tumor is "wrapped around the blood vessel." Beside the blood vessel is an artery. If the tumor was around the artery, there would be NO OPTIONS. Because it's the blood vessel, the option is to do a dissection and actually cut that part of the blood vessel out and replace it with another blood vessel from my neck or leg. The best part of all of the news Dr. Adams gave us is that he is moving ahead with surgery. In fact, I will have the surgery next Wednesday, August 1st! He may have a vascular surgeon part of the team next week in case he does the blood vessel dissection. If he doesn't do the dissection, that meant that he could pull the tumor off the vessel.
The surgery will take about 6 hours. May be longer because of the vessel. He will put 2 drains in that will be in place in case there is leakage. Dr. Adams said that the pancreas is like tissue paper and to put stitches in tissue paper is hard. He said that he will take out the head of the pancreas, the gall bladder, the small intestine, bile ducts and perhaps some of the stomach if it's been affected from radiation. It sounds like a lot of the surgery will be determined once he goes in and sees what is what. He will start the surgery with small incisions so that he can look in with a scope. He said that there is always the chance that surgery can't continue if more organs are involved...i.e. the liver. If all looks good, he will make a vertical incision from my breast bone to belly button. I should be in the hospital about a week. Sometimes the stomach doesn't "wake up" and start responding to food. If that happens, I may need a feeding tube, which would keep me in the hospital a few days longer. I can go home with both the drains and feeding tube if needed.
After meeting with Dr. Adams this morning, I was sent over to the hospital for all of my pre-op procedures. I had a chest x-ray, EKG, blood work and met with the anesthetist nurse. Other than getting my toothbrush packed, I am all ready for surgery next Wednesday!
Today's news was good. I could have been told that surgery wasn't an option... but that's NOT the case! I could have been told that the artery was involved...but that's not the case! It's not great news that the tumor is wrapped around the blood vessel but thank God that there's a solution.
I asked Dr. Adams why the 5 year survival rate is so low (it's like 20%) even after this surgery. He said it's because pancreatic cancer is just not a good cancer to have. He said that, while there are good drugs for other cancers, there isn't anything really good that they have for pancreatic cancer. Because of that, recurrence is high because bad cancer cells are left. I'm hoping that having more chemo after surgery will help reduce any chance of recurrence.
There are many things that I can't control about this disease. I am going to take comfort in the fact that I can have surgery and give this disease a run for it's money. I am going to live each day in the moment and make the most of each day of my life. I am going to control only the things that I can control and leave the rest in God's hands.
It is now time to put all of this out of my mind. It's time to enjoy my family that will be arriving in the next few days. It's time to enjoy all of the friends that I will soon be seeing. It's time to enjoy each moment as we watch our youngest son becomes a husband and we gain a beautiful daughter-in-law.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Grain of a Mustard Seed
I've been trying to keep my mind occupied this morning. I'm not worried about having the actual MRI this evening... but am EXTREMELY anxious about what the results will be. What pictures will the camera actually capture? What are the effects of 6 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation? What prayers did God answer?
I don't like wishing my life away...each day is precious in itself. But if I could be Bewitch (my favorite TV show when I was young), I would wiggle my nose, letting it be 8:00 tomorrow morning, magically "popping" into Dr. Adams office ready to hear ALL he has to tell us.
In preparing questions for tomorrow's office visit, I did some research on the Whipple surgery. I wanted to have some background knowledge to understand the procedure. I know exactly why my husband didn't want me to "google" pancreatic cancer on the internet. Reading the different statistic is very, very upsetting. I'm NOT going to write those statistic here. I don't want my fingers to type the numbers and the odds for survival, even after surgery. I want those numbers to disappear from my brain.
I HAVE to remember that I can beat any statistic out there. I have to remember to take each day as it comes, making sure that I make the most of each moment. I have to remember to trust and find peace within my heart. I have to remember that all things are possible.
A dear friend of mine gave me the book God's Promises from A to Z. I read it often, loving the messages that are written as poetry. I read this passage often...
Do You Believe?
When the way seems long and the day is dark
And we can't hear the song of the thrush or the lark,
And our hearts are heavy with worry and care,
And we are lost in the depths of despair,
That is the time when faith alone
Can lead us out of the dark unknown.
For faith to believe when the way is rough
And faith to hang on when the going is tough
Will never fail to pull us through
And bring us strength and comfort too.
For all we really ever need
Is faith as a grain of mustard seed,
For all God asks is do you believe--
For if you do you shall receive.
I don't like wishing my life away...each day is precious in itself. But if I could be Bewitch (my favorite TV show when I was young), I would wiggle my nose, letting it be 8:00 tomorrow morning, magically "popping" into Dr. Adams office ready to hear ALL he has to tell us.
In preparing questions for tomorrow's office visit, I did some research on the Whipple surgery. I wanted to have some background knowledge to understand the procedure. I know exactly why my husband didn't want me to "google" pancreatic cancer on the internet. Reading the different statistic is very, very upsetting. I'm NOT going to write those statistic here. I don't want my fingers to type the numbers and the odds for survival, even after surgery. I want those numbers to disappear from my brain.
I HAVE to remember that I can beat any statistic out there. I have to remember to take each day as it comes, making sure that I make the most of each moment. I have to remember to trust and find peace within my heart. I have to remember that all things are possible.
A dear friend of mine gave me the book God's Promises from A to Z. I read it often, loving the messages that are written as poetry. I read this passage often...
Do You Believe?
When the way seems long and the day is dark
And we can't hear the song of the thrush or the lark,
And our hearts are heavy with worry and care,
And we are lost in the depths of despair,
That is the time when faith alone
Can lead us out of the dark unknown.
For faith to believe when the way is rough
And faith to hang on when the going is tough
Will never fail to pull us through
And bring us strength and comfort too.
For all we really ever need
Is faith as a grain of mustard seed,
For all God asks is do you believe--
For if you do you shall receive.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Bridal Luncheon
Saturday was the kick off to the cherished week ahead. Gregory's godmother, my lifelong friend and roommate from college, Nancy, joined me for Loren's Bridal Luncheon as we enjoyed wonderful friendship and delicious food. There were lots of smiles as we celebrated with Loren's family and bridal party.
Nancy gave me a beautiful porcelain pin that says "Mother of the Groom" that I wore to the luncheon and plan on wearing each day this week! Mommy of my little boy who will become a husband on Saturday. Mommy of my youngest son who will share his life with his beautiful bride as he takes his vows of a lifetime. Mommy of a young man that I'm so very proud of who he has become.
There is nothing like M & M candy that makes the wedding seem more real!
Here's to a week of family, friends and making memories!
Nancy gave me a beautiful porcelain pin that says "Mother of the Groom" that I wore to the luncheon and plan on wearing each day this week! Mommy of my little boy who will become a husband on Saturday. Mommy of my youngest son who will share his life with his beautiful bride as he takes his vows of a lifetime. Mommy of a young man that I'm so very proud of who he has become.
There is nothing like M & M candy that makes the wedding seem more real!
Here's to a week of family, friends and making memories!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
My "Baggage" Went on a Trip
A dear friend of mine asked me to pack my bags. She and her boys were headed to the
Outer Banks and she wanted to take my
"baggage" with her to the beach. She wanted me to pack all of my pain, worries, fears, all of my uncertainties, burdens, concerns and any other
burdensome "baggage" that I could think of. I could pack the bag as heavy or as light as I wanted.
So that's what I did. I placed all of her suggestions in quite a large "suitcase" and placed it outside of my door early Sunday morning for her to "pick" up on her way to the beach. She was going to let my "baggage" air out in the sun, sand and refreshing sea breeze.
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They stopped
by Digger's Dungeon in Poplar Branch, NC, home to the Grave Digger monster truck. While there, they contemplated having this
monster truck destroy my baggage, but decided not to at the last minute.
|
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Mr.
Crab threatened to pinch my friend and her boys if they dumped my baggage on him! Said he was
already in a "crabby" mood, and didn't need anything that would make
him any crabbier!
|
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| At the end of their first day of vacation, my baggage was tucked in for the night. Those nuisance nerves
are just that -- having trouble keeping them in my bag. |
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My friend thought
about dropping my baggage from the loft in their hotel room. She didn't because it would have
landed in the bed below. Not extreme enough.
|
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They thought
about sending my baggage packing on the back of this plane, but knew my baggage was private and didn't need to be advertised to the whole East Coast.
|
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This seagull begged for a treat but he refused to
take my baggage.
|
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| It was very tempting to just use a couple of those nuisance nerves to tie my baggage on to the hang glider...the wind on these sand dunes would certainly carry if far... |
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Hmmmm...here's an idea
|
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After climbing 214 steps with my baggage in tow in my friend's purse, she considered throwing my baggage off the top of the
lighthouse. When she peeked over the edge and saw tiny people way down
below, my friend just couldn't do it. So down all 214 steps she went
...the boys and my baggage in tow.
|
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She tried
to pawn my baggage off on Queen Elizabeth I. She refused and was none
too amused.
|
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My friend thought she had found a taker for my baggage ...this garden troll. Turns
out, he fell "short" of her expectations, including his
"stone-cold" personality.
|
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She tried
to set my baggage free with this beautiful butterfly, but the butterfly had just shed
her own baggage in the form of a chrysalis and wasn't ready to take on more.
|
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The
newt eats what bugs him ...but unfortunately the "buffet of baggage"
that was offered was way too much for such a tiny tummy.
|
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While on a ferry ride from Hatteras to Ocracoke, my friend considered
dumping the baggage overboard when the Coast Guardsman wasn't looking. Her son spotted a momma dolphin and her baby beside the ferry. These precious creatures couldn't be burdened with nuisance nerves, sadness and anger.
|
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| Would you believe little green alien men refused to open the hatch when they saw my baggage? |
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| As my friend sat on the beautiful peaceful island of Ocracoke, she felt at peace with letting go of my baggage. Amazingly, there was no one within 3/4 of a mile in either direction. It just felt like the right time and the right place...so she dug a hole in the crystal white sand, and gently placed my baggage in it. She then covered my baggage with the warm sand, and walked away, never once looking back. |
Tonight she returned my "bag" on her way back home to Leesburg. True to her word, my
"bag" was empty . . . not because she was careless or
neglectful with my baggage, but because she left all of my worries, fears, pain, concerns, and ALL
OF MY CANCER at the beach. . . gone forever, pushed out to sea, never
to burden me again.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Expensive Leak
This morning on his way to work, my husband saw water leaking from our well cap, flooding the ground in that area. The leak was caused by a rusty connection that broke 4 feet down by the pump. It turned out to cost us $937.00 to replace the valve.
Ahhh, the things I take for granted. Not having water again today made me cherish it when it was turned back on this evening. The water coming from the faucet actually looked like gold (well actually mud but on the same color scheme) but it definitely seems that it cost as much as gold. We know things break when you own a house and that nothing is inexpensive. My husbands hours at work have definitely been impacted by the economy. It just seems that when it rains, it pours!
On a happy, happy note, my pain level continues to be controlled by the medication doses! I am so grateful that I've been able to reach this point in our count down days to the last week and a half before the wedding! I actually finished crossing off the last of my "to do" list this evening. Only piddly things to do from here on out!
Ahhh, the things I take for granted. Not having water again today made me cherish it when it was turned back on this evening. The water coming from the faucet actually looked like gold (well actually mud but on the same color scheme) but it definitely seems that it cost as much as gold. We know things break when you own a house and that nothing is inexpensive. My husbands hours at work have definitely been impacted by the economy. It just seems that when it rains, it pours!
On a happy, happy note, my pain level continues to be controlled by the medication doses! I am so grateful that I've been able to reach this point in our count down days to the last week and a half before the wedding! I actually finished crossing off the last of my "to do" list this evening. Only piddly things to do from here on out!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
News Clip from the Today Show
This week on the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda, there was a video clip about a cancer-surviving mom. The surgery that was featured in the clip is the exact procedure that I will have.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/29054368/vp/48162730#48162730
Kennedy Center or B-U-S-T
Yesterday was such an awesome day! We were able to follow through with an event that we planned long "before" THE diagnosis. The interesting twist is that it wasn't THE diagnosis that almost made us not follow through with our plan. The nerve pain that has nothing to do with the cancer almost kept me from "The Addams Family". ~Snap, Snap~
Let me start by saying how unbelievable it is to me that nothing has "really" changed with the amount of pain my hip and leg are in, yet I feel no pain. The power of these drugs is making my brain not register the pain. Unbelievable to me. I'm extremely grateful, yet it scares me at the same time. My leg is definitely part of my body, attached as it always has been, yet it really is just along for the ride as I make sure that it moves with the rest of me.
Getting the advice from a co-pilot (thanks Marion), my husband drove right into the Kennedy Center rather than taking our usual route from Vienna Metro. We were able to park practically at the entrance door in the garage. We started the afternoon with a Chai Tea Latte and a sandwich from a little coffee shop across the street.
The security guards were obviously not busy yet so I let them join me in the picture!
The show was fantastic ~Snap, Snap ~ Everything about the day was GREAT!
We pushed ourselves beyond our comfort zone. We are both afraid of heights, yet the tickets I bought were in the 2nd tier???? We were REALLY up there! I'm just a country girl pretending to live in the theater district! Next time, I'll get tickets that are back on earth...but for yesterday, we were flying high!
Let me start by saying how unbelievable it is to me that nothing has "really" changed with the amount of pain my hip and leg are in, yet I feel no pain. The power of these drugs is making my brain not register the pain. Unbelievable to me. I'm extremely grateful, yet it scares me at the same time. My leg is definitely part of my body, attached as it always has been, yet it really is just along for the ride as I make sure that it moves with the rest of me.
Getting the advice from a co-pilot (thanks Marion), my husband drove right into the Kennedy Center rather than taking our usual route from Vienna Metro. We were able to park practically at the entrance door in the garage. We started the afternoon with a Chai Tea Latte and a sandwich from a little coffee shop across the street.
The security guards were obviously not busy yet so I let them join me in the picture!
The show was fantastic ~Snap, Snap ~ Everything about the day was GREAT!
We pushed ourselves beyond our comfort zone. We are both afraid of heights, yet the tickets I bought were in the 2nd tier???? We were REALLY up there! I'm just a country girl pretending to live in the theater district! Next time, I'll get tickets that are back on earth...but for yesterday, we were flying high!
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