What does one wear?

I was raised a devote Catholic. My mom was a Third Order Carmelite Nun. My 4 siblings and I wore a scapula as children and into our teens. We went to church, said the rosary together and made novenas. Being a Catholic was everything to my mom. It was her way of surviving what some would term a difficult life. It gave her strength.

When Butch and I were dating, he converted to Catholicism to be part of my faith.We raised our boys Catholic. We were devote Catholics until ....

Until I became very angry when my mom was dying of lung cancer in 1997-99 and the priest NEVER once came to visit her. If it wasn't for a dear high school friend, Tim Taylor, who came and gave my mom communion as the Eucharist minister, she would have never been able to have what she dedicated her life to and found strength in. I became angry.

Although I try hard to be a good person, I don't forgive easily when I am deeply hurt. This deeply, very deeply hurt me for my mom. As a result, I pulled away from the building of the church and took my family with me. Nothing however, not one tiny morsel, changed within me for the LOVE that I have for God.

Okay, I needed to give you that background to explain today's events. Last night, a dear, dear neighbor called me to express her deepest concern and support for us. Her boys are our neighbors through the field of our road on Lakeview Drive. Mrs. Shillingburg asked me if I would like to be anointed. My response was that I was Catholic and didn't know what "anointing" meant. She explained that it was for healing. Her pastor would come to my house or I could go to their church to be anointed. When I thought about the love and concern that Mrs. Shillingburg had for me, how could I tell her "no". It wasn't an option. She was offering a part of her faith to help me. I didn't have the right to tell her "no" so I didn't. I explained that my roommate and her family were visiting and they would be with us. We'll meet her on Sunday at her church. I was going to be anointed, although I really had NO idea what that was. Mrs. Shillingburg wanted it for me and that was all I knew for sure.

So, what does one wear to be anointed? Butch, Nancy, Tommy, Russell and I arrived at St. Luke Church of the Brethren at 10:30 this morning so that I could be anointed. Let me tell you that I don't know if I have EVER been as moved as I...no we...were this morning. We were warmly greeted by strangers who instantly loved us. They asked me to sit in a chair as about 15 people formed a circle around me. Butch, Nanc, Tom and Russell were included in that circle. The pastor explained that the oil that he was going to use was not a cure for my cancer. It was a symbol of God. The pastor began with prayer and all of the people that formed the circle around me laid their hands physically on me. They took turns praying from the deepest part of their heart for this stranger they never met until 10 minutes ago. They moved me...us...with their words beyond expression. I tried to grab hold of each and everything that they were saying so that I could remember it in my darkest hours within the next few months.

I was anointed today. I know what being anointed means now. I know that God heard strong prayer from strangers that cared deeply for my family. It was one of the most POWERFUL experiences of my life. Thank you Mrs. Shillingburg for your love.

Put your hands down and back away s-l-o-w-l-y

Put your hands down NOW and back away slowly....that's it....back away slowly from my chicken noodle soup.

Our friend Debbie can make one heck of a pot of chicken noodle soup! It's the BEST that I've ever tasted. I gave Butch strict instructions that if people come over and are here during a meal time, he was NOT to take the chicken noodle soup out of the refrigerator to put in their visual contact. I was NOT going to share with anyone. I want it for us...me really but I will include Butch and only Butch in the "fly within chicken noodle soup zone". I told Loren this evening that I would give her one, but ONLY one, noodle for her to taste. After that, she was on her own. I wake up at all hours of the night and crave this soup. It nourishes my soul, puts warmth in my belly, and a smile on my face.

Please help me to wish Debbie a Happy Birthday tomorrow, May 1st!
Debbie, may you have joy on YOUR special day! Enjoy the sunshine!

The CIRCLE is growing and we like the feeling!

I don't have any family close by. My siblings all live at least 5 hours away. It is very exciting to Butch and I that, as our son Gregory's extended family grows, so does ours. In December, our soon to be daughter-in-law Loren's parents, Martha and Steve, invited us to a Christmas gathering. It was such a fantastic evening! We felt immediately embraced in their family. We met aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. It was such a happy evening. Butch and I both felt that we found a family niche through a common bond, our children. We throughly enjoyed seeing Aunt Gretchen and Uncle Glenn at the gym. Butch was overwhelmed with the Funk Family Tree that Loren's Grandma did for him. We spent time with Loren, Gregory and Aunt Anita looking for the right piece of land for their future dream home. Our extended family is growing and we like the feeling that it gives us. A void that we've felt for a long time without family of our own close by is now not quite as deep. We love the fact that Gregory now has grandparents that will watch over him. My mom and dad , who very much loved our boys, are gone so he doesn't have grandparents to be part of his life. We love that he'll have in-laws that will share in our pride watching him grow into a married man. It takes a village to be part of a family. Our circle is becoming complete.

It was so thoughtful for Martha, Steve, and Jacob (Loren's brother) to send us a beautiful flower arrangement. The power of flowers...but more than that, their message on the card that said that we were in their thoughts and prayers meant the world to us. We were again deeply touched when we received a get well card in the mail from "Grandad and Nanny", Loren's paternal grandparents, telling us how much they were thinking of us for "complete healing". The circle is growing and we like the feeling!

It's part of the job, HONESTLY!

I have the distinct honor of teaching children. It's a career that brings so much joy to my life. I work with little ones almost 2 years old all the way up to 5th graders. I love the 10-11 year old kids as much as I love the 2-5 year old preschoolers and every age in between. As a speech-language pathologist, I work on a WIDE range of communication skills. With that said, I have to have a WIDE range of materials. What 2 year old kids like is very different than 11 year old preteens. Needless to say, my room has a lot of "stuff" (another nonspecific word that my students know that I rather they didn't use unless absolutely necessary). I've heard it said as classes line up outside my door to go to lunch or to the library, "That must be the toy room." Many of the "toys" in my room are from when my own boys were little....their Lego's, Lincoln Logs, Hot Wheel cars and the list goes on. Remember, it's the toy room! So, when our art teacher Kris goes by and sees me at my table with a quite LARGE tub of Mr. Potato Head facial and body parts (all sorted and labeled in large baggies I might add), I HAVE to make sure she understands that "It's part of my job, Honestly Kris. It's part of my job to play with Mr. Potato Head. Do you know the language I get from kids requesting the body part they want, the sentence structure I can teach them when I purposely give them the wrong part so that they can use their newly found language to tell me that's not what they asked for? It's a POWERFUL teaching material Kris, HONESTLY. Yes Kris, I know I get paid to play with Mr. Potato Head.. But Kris, it's really not "playing" per say. It's teaching, it's all in the name of teaching!

You can only imagine how touched I was when in my Catoctin Love basket, I found this card that Kris took her time to make for me.

Even though my own children's large tub of Mr. Potato Head bodies and accessories are safely tucked away in my room at school for future use by my own future grandbabies, Kris has given me a piece of school for home. Thank you our talented and thoughtful Kris! YOUR Mr. Potato Head is on my refrigerator waving to me as we open the door thanks to his arm that you made purposely move.

On a quick side note...several summer ago when Butch and I were cleaning out one of our sheds, he asked me if we still needed to keep the little red battery powered jeep that the boys had when they were little. I was quite taken aback when Butch asked me this. What did he think was the answer? Of Course we still needed it. Our future grandbabies will ride in it as their daddies did when they were little. Silly question My Butch. Well, in an attempt to be negotiable, I told him to call Bradley. Bradley is now 29, so lets say he was 27 then. Butch called and asked him if we needed to keep it. Bradley told Butch, "Dad, tell mom that I don't fit in it anymore!"

This little piggy went to the market...

On Wednesday, as Butch and I were walking to our car at the University of Virginia Hospital to come home, I felt feisty! I looked down at my unpolished toe nails and up at my fingers with way too many cuticles, and said "AND GUESS WHAT? I AM GOING TO GO FOR A MANICURE AND PEDICURE! TAKE THAT CANCER." Butch has never said "no" to me our entire life together. He would do and does everything in the world to make me happy. So numerous times on the way home he asked if I wanted to go that day. I didn't. I wanted to just go HOME. On Thursday, our dear friend Debbie called and said, "Sharon, I don't know how to ask you this so I'm just going to say it. Would you like to go with me for a pedicure?" Knowing that I just got home from the hospital, she felt that maybe this wasn't the time to ask me this. Well, am I not the LUCKIEST person in the world to have a friend to know that something like this is just what I needed? Didn't I just tell Butch that I was going to splurge on myself and I didn't care about spending the money because I deserved it? Yes I did! So within the hour, Debbie came and whisked me off to "the other side" of Woodstock. We sat side by side as the gentlemen tickled the bottom of our feet, making us giggle out loud. Debbie's currently colored toes nail color inspired me to be daring. I went for pink "Glitter" on my toes and a pretty light reddish color for my finger nails.

This little piggy went to the salon,
and this little piggy giggled as she was tickled,
this little piggy spent time with a dear friend,
and this little piggy got glittered pink
but this little piggy, she ran all the way, all the way home!

A Tisket, a Tasket, a YELLOW and MAROON Basket

Today I received a basket that had an endless bottom. No really, there could not have possibly been a bottom. Humanly impossible. It was delivered by two angels that flew in from the north in their white station wagon. Their wing span was enormous because under their wings, they carried all the love, caring, hope and strength that was sent to Butch, Bradley, Gregory and I from our Catoctin Family. They were entrusted with the responsibility of relaying a very important message. It was delivered not just in words, but in their hearts. YOU, MY DEAR SHARON, BUTCH, BRADLEY AND GREGORY, ARE NOT ALONE.

Change is not easy for me. Never has been. With that said, 12 years ago, I made an important decision to change my job location. I did it for many reasons...some clear to me at that time, some not. Well, the last puzzle piece was added to the "some not" part of why I did it. It was because God knew that one day I would need an INCREDIBLE support system for something that wasn't going to be easy. He knew that when I was given the news that I had cancer, I would need to be surrounded by people that held me in their arms. Really tight in their arms.Twelve years ago, I walked into the doors of Catoctin Elementary School , just a little ol' country girl one and a half hours from home, to wander in the halls with unknown faces and work with unknown children. The fear very quickly vanished...poof....evaporated....because I quickly became part of what is known to our staff as the "Catoctin Family". I don't say those words lightly. The word "Family" just can't be tossed around. That word holds an exclusive coat of armor that is sacred. I am THE LUCKIEST person in the world. I am part of the "Catoctin Family".

I am a person that needs facts. Although I love a great fairy tale, it's hard core facts that drive me and make me the person that I am. Here are the facts as I know them and understand them....

• On Wednesday, May 2nd at 1:45 pm, Butch and I will go to Winchester Oncology to see Dr. Major. He will tell me my course of treatment. From what UVA told us, the treatment will be for 28 days, 5 days a week, M-F. I will get chemotherapy and radiation. The reason that I NEED the treatment (did I mention that I really NEED this treatment?) is because the "thing" in my pancreas is adjacent to vital blood vessels. If they did surgery now, they would have to scrape the "thing" from the blood vessels leaving cancer cells that would spread throughout my body. Yeah...not a good thing. The chemo and radiation treatment's purpose is to shrink the "thing" as MUCH AS POSSIBLE to allow them a large enough margin when they do surgery for it to be away from these blood vessels. I want them to leave their spatulas at home...no scraping allowed because it won't be needed. Dr. Adams told us that it's an 80% chance that it will shrink and a 20% chance that it won't. He said that he had to tell us about the 20% chance that it won't because patients walk into his office sometimes never knowing that it may not. Thank you Dr. Adams for the information... delivered but not accepted because I have MORE prayers being said than there are stars in the sky, sand on the beach, and water in the ocean. Yeah....not an option. Now, let's talk about the coincidences. On May 2, 2006, I found my dad lying in his bed with his beloved dog Buttons by his side. His fight was over. In 1998, I spent a lot of time with Dr. Major but for a different reason. Then it was to be my mom's caregiver as she received chemotherapy and radiation for lung cancer. God has made a connection once again to tell me that he is going to make this okay.
• After my 6 week course of treatment, my body will be given a time to rest before surgery. It just so happens that this "rest period" will be when our youngest son and his finance get married. The events on the weekend of July 28th will be filled with memories. I will be a part of each and every one of those memories. Yeah, someone is clearly making this timeline the best it could be.
• After the wedding in early August, I will go back to University of Virginia hospital for a very invasive and extensive surgery. It's called the Whipple surgery. The head surgeon who will be the lead doctor came into my room on Tuesday night. He's an impressive man...one that Butch and I immediately felt safe with. I will be cut wide open (sorry for lack of a better way to say this but that IS what he said. Note to self....cancel bikini  order from Lands End. Doesn't look like I'll be needing it. Order swimsuit with a grandma skirt. Oh, that's right, they're the kind that I love anyway!) My digestive system will be completely reworked. A chunk of the pancreas will be cut out, taking along with it the "shrunk thing". New paths made, other things cut and sewn together. To be quite honest, I don't know much more than that because Butch won't let me go onto the internet to "search". I made him the promise that I won't so I'll leave it to you guys to search Whipple Surgery to find out those details if you want to. I know that the surgery is 6-8 hours in length and a whole team will be there doing the surgery. One of the GI doctors that we met at UVA told us that if he or any one of his family members needed this surgery, he would want Dr. Adams to do it because he is the best around.  I'm THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD to be an hour and a half away from where this man works. I will be in the hospital for 6-7 days. Don't know about the recovery time but 2 + 2 is 4. 
• And the last fact that I KNOW is that after I recover, I will be going back to my Catoctin Family. I will be sitting in my "suite", working with  my kids, being a part of my faculty, laughing and giggling with my colleagues, friends, family, sitting in faculty meetings with my administration, driving in my carpool with my angels, talking with my student's parents, and doing my job again. I will be a mom to my boys, a wife to my husband, a mother-in-law to my new daughter-in law, a friend to my friends, and a sister to my siblings. These are the facts! They just can't be taken away from me. I won't allow it and neither will my support system.

I didn't take a picture of the freezer full of food, kitchen counter full of food, or envelopes full with hard earned money and gift cards from people that love us. This basket with the endless bottom filled our hearts with such love. Thank you Catoctin Family, thank you.

Beginning the Journey

How do you begin a journey that you didn't sign up for or ever dreamed of taking?????????

Well..... We were given our travel passports on Sunday, April 22, 2012. We not only traveled locally but out of town. My darling husband and I packed our bags on Sunday in the dark of night and headed out for an unknown adventure. Although we didn't see this in the travel brochure, our 4 day trip included roller coasters, fine dining, out of the ordinary accommodations, travel guests and a crash course in a foreign language. Yes, our journey was unplanned, spontaneous and ready for us even though we were not ready for it. There was no turning back because our road wouldn't allow it. We were not given an opportunity for a U-turn to go back to the life that we were so comfortable with. Our journey began with a ticket for 2...nonstop....to an unknown land. Our ticket was upgraded very quickly to include our 2 boys and their girls. We were given unlimited admittance tickets for ALL those family and friends that wanted to be in on this journey with us. It was a package deal unlike one we've ever seen before. So, the journey begins.

On Monday, April 23rd, a 1.8 centimeter mass was found in my pancreas. This mass is Pancreatic Cancer.
Although I'm the one with the unwanted "thing" growing in my body, it has immediately changed all of our lives. The most important element of this journey is that I am NOT alone. My husband, together as we have been for 38 years, our two grown sons and their girls, my siblings, and unbelievable friends are in this for the long haul. Yes, it will be a long haul, but one that we will take TOGETHER.  I am undoubtedly THE luckiest person in the world to have the support system that I have and so many caring family and friends willing to take this trip with us.

This blog will begin the journey to keep my family and friends updated on what is going on but more importantly, it will be where I can try to understand what this "thing" is doing to me. Those of you who know me well, I hate using the word "thing" because as a speech pathologist, it is a word that is a nonspecific reference to a label. I can assure you that I will be using the word "thing" a lot because that is what it is to me.

For those of you reading my blog, thank you for grabbing the free admittance ticket that will be my support system. Our journey begins.